Reader's Digest of Bankruptcy

This economy is rough on even Reader's Digest as they can only get a condensed version of bankruptcy.

Vick's New Team: A Good Fit With Eagle Fans

One downside of signing Vick to a new NFL team is the animal rights protesters.
That's why I think Philadelphia is a good fit as he is granted a new leash on life. Not because they hate pets, but because PETA members don't stand a chance against the Philly fan base. These fans boo Santa Clause, The National Anthem and also cheer for unconscious opposition players.
Not only will Eagle fans not tolerate PETA protesters, they will probably barbeque and eat them.

Great News on the New Health Care Plan!

The president does NOT want to kill my two grandmothers. I just heard his most recent town hall speech. Anyway, I was very concerned after all the rumors of Death Panels.
So, I can't wait to tell them!

Water saving idea that goes to far?

aka Crap Lasagna

Check out this idea to compost your own waste......ewwwwwwwww. Actual instruction from this.

Get Started
1. Get a five-gallon bucket and line the bottom with sawdust. Attach a lidded toilet seat.
2. Do your business and cover it with sawdust. Repeat. Empty once or twice a week into a 55-gallon composter out back.
3. After each waste dump, add leaf litter, coconut husks, or finely shredded newspaper over the waste into the container. “You’re basically making crap lasagna,” says Knutzen.
4. Keep it as moist as a wrung-out mop. You want it to get hot—120 degrees Fahrenheit is ideal, monitored with a long thermometer. Adding earth worms are good, too.
5. Let it age for a year. Fertilize plants.

I'm thinking this isn't going to catch on too quickly.

This would freak me out....

What would you do if this happened to you?

A government program that works!!!!!

They had to shut down the cash for clunkers stimulus program because it actually worked and they ran out of money. I wonder if the billions we pumped into the car industry will now get paid back because they were able to sell so many cars. Probably not.

I guess the beer party went OK at the Whitehouse except for the brief exchange at the beginning when the cop wanted to see Obama's license to prove that he lived there.

Moving of my girlfriend is almost done, I've never had to move so much crap. How can one person acquire so much and never think about getting rid of some of it at sometime. Everything I own is displayed in my house or is in a 6' x 10' space in the basement, and it ain't much, hell my brother more than doubled my wall art when he moved in . Can you say rampant consumerism, I just figured out that she is what's wrong with America, crap.

Vegas awaits.........

Don't give your lady a strap on....

This is why you don't give a women a large penis shaped object. The first thing she does is try to stick it in your backdoor.

Trippin' in Florida

I hate the heat and humidity of Florida. I left there 16 years ago to the more suitable climate of Colorado. But, I was summoned back to attend the wedding of friend who use to live in Colorado but decided to move to Florida(what was she thinking?) So I went to Florida at the beginning of July. Did I mention I hate the heat and humidity of Florida?

The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a Jew in Nazi Germany.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as Nelson Mandela during Apartheid.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a Shiite under Saddam Hussein rule.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a negro during slavery.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as the Dali Lama under Chinese rule.

The trip starts off with a visit to DIA for a plane ride to Orlando. My Bi-Pap machine for my sleep apnea sets off the bomb alarm when they swabbed it, I have no idea what was on the machine since I keep my C4 in the basement not in my bedroom. We board the plane and after sitting for a half an hour we are finally informed that the problem with take off is that a brake temp sensor on one of the wheels has failed and the FAA requires them to wait two hours before we can takeoff to make sure the brakes have cooled sufficiently. I really think they were looking into my background to make sure I wasn't a terrorist. We can't disembark because we are already in the plane and they need the gate for another arriving plane. So begins the journey.

Everyday had an odd incident:
Friday: Bomb detector set off, wheel brake heat sensor failed

Saturday: Friend never makes it to fireworks show that he suggested we go to, turns out he was drunk at a beach bar. Parking which he said would be plentiful was not.

Sunday: Everything we do takes an extra hour and our lunch companion eats before we meet him for lunch(WTF). We go to the Seminole Casino in Tampa and my girlfriend gets a voucher from the nickel slots for 3 cents, its a nickel slot how can it pay out three cents. I win $660 at blackjack so my day was pretty good.

Monday: Closing up parents condo and can't get a hold of Dad because he is out on a pontoon boat in Lake Michigan, electric panel is mismarked, thermostat in the hotel in Orlando is wired wrong so when you turn the temp up the make the room warmer it makes it colder, the Catfish Place, our choice for dinner is closed on Sunday and Monday.

Tuesday: After a late start we get taken on a trip across Orlando in the middle of rush hour after the bride misses her normal turn which takes like four hours to see the bride's college.

Wednesday: The bride shows up an hour and half late for her own wedding. Went to Daytona Beach after the wedding and my girlfriend tried to pee at Wendy's but both stalls were full and there was a bad stench and then she heard one of the ladies saying she was peeing all over the seat and her bathing suit, she left without peeing. The wedding gift card was left at the hotel when my girlfriend picked up the wrong bag when we left for the reception that evening.

Thursday: Only after we arrived at the airport late did I realize that the hotel clock was a half hour slow. I was flagged at check in as a terrorist, maybe it was the bomb swab at DIA, which slowed our already lateness and we made it to the plane just as they were calling for our section to board. As we prepare to sit down the guy across the aisle starts swinging at me and uttering something guttural sounding. I told him it wasn't time for my daily beating yet but if I got out of line he should take care of me. The guy thanked me for having a sense of humor about his condition which I think might be close to palsy with a touch of Turrets syndrome. Later when the beverage cart came down he ordered coffee and I'm thinking to myself this isn't going to end well. The guy behind my girlfriend was a large man and he proceeded to rest over the top of my girlfriend's seat for most of the flight. The seat in front of my girlfriend decided to fall apart mid flight and cut her foot.

This was a messed up trip. Next trip will be to Vegas with my brother, hopefully that goes better.

Farewell Farrah...

Being a teen in the early 80's and just discovering the joys of masturbation, she was one of the women I often thought of during such discovery's.

Children around the world are once again safe....

Michael Jackson will no longer be able to entice youngster with "Jesus Juice" but he may have to answer to Jesus himself.

Honesty, maybe not the best policy....

Iranian Elections....

Read in the Denver post today....yes I am one of the few that still read a newspaper daily.

"The Guardian Council agreed last week to investigate some opposition complaints. Council spokesman Abbas Ali Kadkhodaei was quoted on the state TV website Monday as saying that its probe showed more votes were cast in the 50 districts than there were registered voters. But that "has no effect on the result of the elections" he said."

Whatever he's smoking, I'd like to get me a little.....

It floats...

Took the boat out for a spin on Chatfield Lake yesterday evening. I purchased a friend of TripLikeIDo's share of the boat so now it is co-owned by myself and TripLikeIDo. It ran well for the hour or so we were on the water. We were suppose to be out a little longer but TripLikeIDo was delayed in Bailey at the big Hot Dog and then he didn't pull the drain plug, so when we got to inspection and opened up the drain plug a ton of water came out of the bilge(TripLikeIDo claims it was rain water(which we have had a lot of lately)). It use to be dry stacked in Austin so they never pulled the plug out. We then had to follow the park ranger to the decontamination area to have the boat thoroughly douched with hot water to kill any zebra mussels which everyone is concerned about out here as they really screw stuff up. Not sure how much time I'll have for boating this summer as I continue to work on the wall in the backyard and I still have my other boat's interior to redo.

It's not even covered...

$300,000 paid for a parking space . I bought my house for slightly less than that at the top of the market in Denver and I've got a three car garage. Of course my house is worth substantially less now. The property tax assessment dropped almost $40,000 from the last assessment which was just under what I bought it for three years ago.

The tribe has spoken....

I fired the accounting clerk on Friday and while I was outside smoking a cigarette contemplating how to fire her I came up with the idea to fire her "Survivor" style. I was going to have her come into the conference room and pull pieces of paper with her name on it out of an ice bucket we have and tell her the tribe has spoken bring me your torch. I thought it was a pretty funny way to fire someone. I ended up starting the firing by tell her that it wasn't her week(she had gotten a speeding ticket on Wednesday trying to get back to work after dealing with her daughter)and that I was terminating her employment. She took it pretty well and wanted to know why i was firing her(I had a list of ten things already to go for her). When you just don't care about someone, firing them isn't too hard.

Not a twitterer....

Found this funny article on the web about one and done twitters. I love the following from the article discribing one and done tweets that might have ended badly:

Phillyrules: it hurts to breathe. should I go to the hospital?
10:09 PM Aug 23rd, 2008

muthuboss: life is hopeless ......
10:26 PM Jul 6th, 2008

rvictor: Trying to escape this insanity
7:24 PM Jan 7th

especially this one:
jeffreyshardy: Sitting next to a big, hairy, smelly guy on the bus
5:04 PM Feb 11th

DouglasAllen: I am writing an email to the makers of Spray N Wash to thank them for making a product that got the blood stains out of my new PJs and robe.
7:40 PM Aug 27th, 2007

Packed like cord wood....

I read about this in the newspaper today and was suprised it was an SUV and not a VW Bug like they use in the circus.

Not to PC...

While helping a friend get ready for her move the door bell rings. We were in the garage and figured it was the neighborhood children wanting to play with her dog. We let the dog out the garage door to go meet the children but we heard barking instead. I went outside and around the corner to the front door to discover a scared african american teenager at the front door looking to sell something door to door. After assuring him that the dog was all bark and no bite he left. I proceeded to go back to the garage while trying to control my laughter that we had just sicked the dog on a african american which is so not right. We had a good laugh as it was so not PC but we didn't know that it wasn't the neighborhood children. Am I a bad person for thinking this was funny?

A little to close....

A tornado touched down about a mile north of my home Sunday at Buckley Airforce Base and then bounced over my subdivision and touched down about a mile southeast of my home in the Southlands Mall area. We got about an inch of gravel sized hail which took off some of the new buds on the evergreens and some leaves on the trees but left no dents in the cars. The mall got nailed hard by the tornado and lime size hail, as did the Lowe's in the area and some condo's nearby. No one was seriously hurt except for the idiot who decided to record the tornado and got swept off his balcony and was thrown into his neighbors yard. I was not home at the time but was on my way home and actually saw the tornado but at that time it looked like it was well south of my home, little did I know how close it came at that time. Springtime in the Rockies can be interesting.

He was just giving him a hand down....

I've been upset in traffic on I-25 but I don't think I would do this to another human being but I suppose after waitng in traffic for 5 hrs I just might. Thanks to DrowseyMonkey