Seen while grocery shopping at King Soopers....
A pregant woman who had a large cucumber tucked between her ample breasts and cradling it like a baby. My thought at the time was that if she had the large cucumber several month earlier she would have alleviated herself of her present condition.
Seen at Einstein's Bagels...
a Nissan "CUBE", probably the ugliest car I've seen in a long time(to get the full ugliness click on the "Load 360" button under the car). My thought at the time was that there was probably nothing left on the lot at the end of the "Cash for Clunkers" program.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
I have no children.....
....but I'm beginning to feel like a parent as I now have in my house 1 "kid" starting her second year of college and another "kid" who's living with me whose unemployed, and I'm footing most of the bills. Oh and I can't forget the other "kid" who isn't living with me but who I've given a car loan too.
At least I didn't have to wipe any of their asses.
At least I didn't have to wipe any of their asses.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Creative Resume Writing....
According to a commentor on this:
Someone actually put this on their resume:
10 years of Import, Distribution and Merchandising of recreational pharmaceuticals.
15 years with FCI as a machinist, cook, librarian and janitor.
and by the way....FCI=Federal correctional institution.
I guess you can make any job sound better, kinda like saying your a sanitation engineer when you drive a garbage truck.
I wonder if he got the job.
Someone actually put this on their resume:
10 years of Import, Distribution and Merchandising of recreational pharmaceuticals.
15 years with FCI as a machinist, cook, librarian and janitor.
and by the way....FCI=Federal correctional institution.
I guess you can make any job sound better, kinda like saying your a sanitation engineer when you drive a garbage truck.
I wonder if he got the job.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
How did he get past the terrorist watch list?
Convicted airplane bomber allowed to fly home. I got pulled aside in Orlando and they let this guy on a plane, what's wrong with this picture. They should have put him on a slow boat to Libya. And what's this compassionate release because he's dying, let him die in prison, what if the diagnosis is wrong and he lives another 20 years.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Email Posting Test
This post was sent via an Email. If it works, blog posting will be
possible from a mobile device.
I'm testing this function as I may be guest blogging on a friend's
Blogspot acct this weekend in Leadville CO.
possible from a mobile device.
I'm testing this function as I may be guest blogging on a friend's
Blogspot acct this weekend in Leadville CO.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Notes on Vegas
Are Vegas roads ever going to be without construction? I know how to get around Vegas from countless trips to Sin City but this trip I was stymied by all the back roads around the Strip being torn up and down to one lane as well as the Strip itself being torn up especially around City Center and don't get me started on I-15, crikey!
Vegas in August is too damn HOT! On a previous trip around July 4th several years ago I told myself I should never visit during the summer again, well I was right. The last summer trip my truck broke down in the turn lane from eastbound Tropicana Blvd to southbound Las Vegas Blvd, bad place to breakdown as it's a very busy intersection, luckily the Cobalt had no such issues, of course it's 14 years newer and has 200,000 less miles on the clock.
Lazy Rivers are very enjoyable. My timeshare condo on the southern end of Las Vegas Blvd has a lazy river that my brother and I enjoyed, my brother maybe a little too much as he pulled every unused tube into the lazy river and claimed that they were his invisible friends. I pointed out his nemesis in another guest that was removing the tubes as they floated around. Only later did my brother realize he had actually helped the lifeguards as they just scooped up the tubes from the river instead of having to walk around and pick them up at the end of the day.
My brother can't party like he use too. Poor bastard missed the Vegas nighttime scene when the freaks really come out.
Wasn't a good trip for the wallet this time. The gambling this trip left a lot to be desired as I lost money and ran into some really messed up individuals. One guy who had his own problems being in a family of Trekkie's but not actually being a Trekkie fan and also being from Canada didn't like me hitting on 12 on the dealer up card of 2 or 3, and then complaining about a player leaving in the middle of a shoe, then telling another new player to not sit down until the end of the shoe to which I replied, "What is this your private table?" and then to another guy who tells me that the card I use which is the universally accepted way to play Blackjack is wrong. I got plenty of opportunities to double down and split which is when you can make back your bankroll but I couldn't get the cards I needed. I have also never seem so many dealers hit 21 when the first two cards should be sure bust cards for them. Like for instance I get dealt two face cards and the dealer has an up card of 6 and I'm thinking this looks promising and then the dealer's down card is a face card and I'm at that point thinking I've won and then a 5 comes out of the shoe, dammit! Well I can't always have winning vacations.
Vegas in August is too damn HOT! On a previous trip around July 4th several years ago I told myself I should never visit during the summer again, well I was right. The last summer trip my truck broke down in the turn lane from eastbound Tropicana Blvd to southbound Las Vegas Blvd, bad place to breakdown as it's a very busy intersection, luckily the Cobalt had no such issues, of course it's 14 years newer and has 200,000 less miles on the clock.
Lazy Rivers are very enjoyable. My timeshare condo on the southern end of Las Vegas Blvd has a lazy river that my brother and I enjoyed, my brother maybe a little too much as he pulled every unused tube into the lazy river and claimed that they were his invisible friends. I pointed out his nemesis in another guest that was removing the tubes as they floated around. Only later did my brother realize he had actually helped the lifeguards as they just scooped up the tubes from the river instead of having to walk around and pick them up at the end of the day.
My brother can't party like he use too. Poor bastard missed the Vegas nighttime scene when the freaks really come out.
Wasn't a good trip for the wallet this time. The gambling this trip left a lot to be desired as I lost money and ran into some really messed up individuals. One guy who had his own problems being in a family of Trekkie's but not actually being a Trekkie fan and also being from Canada didn't like me hitting on 12 on the dealer up card of 2 or 3, and then complaining about a player leaving in the middle of a shoe, then telling another new player to not sit down until the end of the shoe to which I replied, "What is this your private table?" and then to another guy who tells me that the card I use which is the universally accepted way to play Blackjack is wrong. I got plenty of opportunities to double down and split which is when you can make back your bankroll but I couldn't get the cards I needed. I have also never seem so many dealers hit 21 when the first two cards should be sure bust cards for them. Like for instance I get dealt two face cards and the dealer has an up card of 6 and I'm thinking this looks promising and then the dealer's down card is a face card and I'm at that point thinking I've won and then a 5 comes out of the shoe, dammit! Well I can't always have winning vacations.
Silver Hairs, Silver Hairs(sung to Silver Bells)......
I've always liked Jay Leno's monologues on the "Tonite Show" and while in Vegas I went to see his stand-up act. From the opening act of an a cappella quartet of doo-wop singers I knew I wasn't the target audience. I thought there would be more current event jokes but in talking with my brother after the show, Jay Leno probably doesn't have the breadth of writers, if any, he had at the "Tonite Show". He did have a few current event jokes and a part where he asked the audience their professions and made jokes about them on the fly including one particularly funny one about a financial advisor and and unemployed friend in the audience, but then he started into what seemed very dated material. It was an entertaining show but I'm glad I got tickets for 25% off the retail price.
Top Shelf Liquor Only Please......
While in Vegas recently I visited a liquor store and as my brother checked out I looked at the pictures of the people they had caught stealing and was kinda shocked that quite a few weren't for shoplifting but for peeing in the store. On future trips I'll only be buying top shelf liquor, geospatially speaking, from this establishment.
Reader's Digest of Bankruptcy
This economy is rough on even Reader's Digest as they can only get a condensed version of bankruptcy.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Vick's New Team: A Good Fit With Eagle Fans
One downside of signing Vick to a new NFL team is the animal rights protesters.
That's why I think Philadelphia is a good fit as he is granted a new leash on life. Not because they hate pets, but because PETA members don't stand a chance against the Philly fan base. These fans boo Santa Clause, The National Anthem and also cheer for unconscious opposition players.
Not only will Eagle fans not tolerate PETA protesters, they will probably barbeque and eat them.
That's why I think Philadelphia is a good fit as he is granted a new leash on life. Not because they hate pets, but because PETA members don't stand a chance against the Philly fan base. These fans boo Santa Clause, The National Anthem and also cheer for unconscious opposition players.
Not only will Eagle fans not tolerate PETA protesters, they will probably barbeque and eat them.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Great News on the New Health Care Plan!
The president does NOT want to kill my two grandmothers. I just heard his most recent town hall speech. Anyway, I was very concerned after all the rumors of Death Panels.
So, I can't wait to tell them!
So, I can't wait to tell them!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Water saving idea that goes to far?
aka Crap Lasagna
Check out this idea to compost your own waste......ewwwwwwwww. Actual instruction from this.
Get Started
1. Get a five-gallon bucket and line the bottom with sawdust. Attach a lidded toilet seat.
2. Do your business and cover it with sawdust. Repeat. Empty once or twice a week into a 55-gallon composter out back.
3. After each waste dump, add leaf litter, coconut husks, or finely shredded newspaper over the waste into the container. “You’re basically making crap lasagna,” says Knutzen.
4. Keep it as moist as a wrung-out mop. You want it to get hot—120 degrees Fahrenheit is ideal, monitored with a long thermometer. Adding earth worms are good, too.
5. Let it age for a year. Fertilize plants.
I'm thinking this isn't going to catch on too quickly.
Check out this idea to compost your own waste......ewwwwwwwww. Actual instruction from this.
Get Started
1. Get a five-gallon bucket and line the bottom with sawdust. Attach a lidded toilet seat.
2. Do your business and cover it with sawdust. Repeat. Empty once or twice a week into a 55-gallon composter out back.
3. After each waste dump, add leaf litter, coconut husks, or finely shredded newspaper over the waste into the container. “You’re basically making crap lasagna,” says Knutzen.
4. Keep it as moist as a wrung-out mop. You want it to get hot—120 degrees Fahrenheit is ideal, monitored with a long thermometer. Adding earth worms are good, too.
5. Let it age for a year. Fertilize plants.
I'm thinking this isn't going to catch on too quickly.
Friday, July 31, 2009
A government program that works!!!!!
They had to shut down the cash for clunkers stimulus program because it actually worked and they ran out of money. I wonder if the billions we pumped into the car industry will now get paid back because they were able to sell so many cars. Probably not.
I guess the beer party went OK at the Whitehouse except for the brief exchange at the beginning when the cop wanted to see Obama's license to prove that he lived there.
Moving of my girlfriend is almost done, I've never had to move so much crap. How can one person acquire so much and never think about getting rid of some of it at sometime. Everything I own is displayed in my house or is in a 6' x 10' space in the basement, and it ain't much, hell my brother more than doubled my wall art when he moved in . Can you say rampant consumerism, I just figured out that she is what's wrong with America, crap.
Vegas awaits.........
I guess the beer party went OK at the Whitehouse except for the brief exchange at the beginning when the cop wanted to see Obama's license to prove that he lived there.
Moving of my girlfriend is almost done, I've never had to move so much crap. How can one person acquire so much and never think about getting rid of some of it at sometime. Everything I own is displayed in my house or is in a 6' x 10' space in the basement, and it ain't much, hell my brother more than doubled my wall art when he moved in . Can you say rampant consumerism, I just figured out that she is what's wrong with America, crap.
Vegas awaits.........
Monday, July 20, 2009
Don't give your lady a strap on....
This is why you don't give a women a large penis shaped object. The first thing she does is try to stick it in your backdoor.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Trippin' in Florida
I hate the heat and humidity of Florida. I left there 16 years ago to the more suitable climate of Colorado. But, I was summoned back to attend the wedding of friend who use to live in Colorado but decided to move to Florida(what was she thinking?) So I went to Florida at the beginning of July. Did I mention I hate the heat and humidity of Florida?
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a Jew in Nazi Germany.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as Nelson Mandela during Apartheid.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a Shiite under Saddam Hussein rule.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a negro during slavery.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as the Dali Lama under Chinese rule.
The trip starts off with a visit to DIA for a plane ride to Orlando. My Bi-Pap machine for my sleep apnea sets off the bomb alarm when they swabbed it, I have no idea what was on the machine since I keep my C4 in the basement not in my bedroom. We board the plane and after sitting for a half an hour we are finally informed that the problem with take off is that a brake temp sensor on one of the wheels has failed and the FAA requires them to wait two hours before we can takeoff to make sure the brakes have cooled sufficiently. I really think they were looking into my background to make sure I wasn't a terrorist. We can't disembark because we are already in the plane and they need the gate for another arriving plane. So begins the journey.
Everyday had an odd incident:
Friday: Bomb detector set off, wheel brake heat sensor failed
Saturday: Friend never makes it to fireworks show that he suggested we go to, turns out he was drunk at a beach bar. Parking which he said would be plentiful was not.
Sunday: Everything we do takes an extra hour and our lunch companion eats before we meet him for lunch(WTF). We go to the Seminole Casino in Tampa and my girlfriend gets a voucher from the nickel slots for 3 cents, its a nickel slot how can it pay out three cents. I win $660 at blackjack so my day was pretty good.
Monday: Closing up parents condo and can't get a hold of Dad because he is out on a pontoon boat in Lake Michigan, electric panel is mismarked, thermostat in the hotel in Orlando is wired wrong so when you turn the temp up the make the room warmer it makes it colder, the Catfish Place, our choice for dinner is closed on Sunday and Monday.
Tuesday: After a late start we get taken on a trip across Orlando in the middle of rush hour after the bride misses her normal turn which takes like four hours to see the bride's college.
Wednesday: The bride shows up an hour and half late for her own wedding. Went to Daytona Beach after the wedding and my girlfriend tried to pee at Wendy's but both stalls were full and there was a bad stench and then she heard one of the ladies saying she was peeing all over the seat and her bathing suit, she left without peeing. The wedding gift card was left at the hotel when my girlfriend picked up the wrong bag when we left for the reception that evening.
Thursday: Only after we arrived at the airport late did I realize that the hotel clock was a half hour slow. I was flagged at check in as a terrorist, maybe it was the bomb swab at DIA, which slowed our already lateness and we made it to the plane just as they were calling for our section to board. As we prepare to sit down the guy across the aisle starts swinging at me and uttering something guttural sounding. I told him it wasn't time for my daily beating yet but if I got out of line he should take care of me. The guy thanked me for having a sense of humor about his condition which I think might be close to palsy with a touch of Turrets syndrome. Later when the beverage cart came down he ordered coffee and I'm thinking to myself this isn't going to end well. The guy behind my girlfriend was a large man and he proceeded to rest over the top of my girlfriend's seat for most of the flight. The seat in front of my girlfriend decided to fall apart mid flight and cut her foot.
This was a messed up trip. Next trip will be to Vegas with my brother, hopefully that goes better.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a Jew in Nazi Germany.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as Nelson Mandela during Apartheid.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a Shiite under Saddam Hussein rule.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a negro during slavery.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as the Dali Lama under Chinese rule.
The trip starts off with a visit to DIA for a plane ride to Orlando. My Bi-Pap machine for my sleep apnea sets off the bomb alarm when they swabbed it, I have no idea what was on the machine since I keep my C4 in the basement not in my bedroom. We board the plane and after sitting for a half an hour we are finally informed that the problem with take off is that a brake temp sensor on one of the wheels has failed and the FAA requires them to wait two hours before we can takeoff to make sure the brakes have cooled sufficiently. I really think they were looking into my background to make sure I wasn't a terrorist. We can't disembark because we are already in the plane and they need the gate for another arriving plane. So begins the journey.
Everyday had an odd incident:
Friday: Bomb detector set off, wheel brake heat sensor failed
Saturday: Friend never makes it to fireworks show that he suggested we go to, turns out he was drunk at a beach bar. Parking which he said would be plentiful was not.
Sunday: Everything we do takes an extra hour and our lunch companion eats before we meet him for lunch(WTF). We go to the Seminole Casino in Tampa and my girlfriend gets a voucher from the nickel slots for 3 cents, its a nickel slot how can it pay out three cents. I win $660 at blackjack so my day was pretty good.
Monday: Closing up parents condo and can't get a hold of Dad because he is out on a pontoon boat in Lake Michigan, electric panel is mismarked, thermostat in the hotel in Orlando is wired wrong so when you turn the temp up the make the room warmer it makes it colder, the Catfish Place, our choice for dinner is closed on Sunday and Monday.
Tuesday: After a late start we get taken on a trip across Orlando in the middle of rush hour after the bride misses her normal turn which takes like four hours to see the bride's college.
Wednesday: The bride shows up an hour and half late for her own wedding. Went to Daytona Beach after the wedding and my girlfriend tried to pee at Wendy's but both stalls were full and there was a bad stench and then she heard one of the ladies saying she was peeing all over the seat and her bathing suit, she left without peeing. The wedding gift card was left at the hotel when my girlfriend picked up the wrong bag when we left for the reception that evening.
Thursday: Only after we arrived at the airport late did I realize that the hotel clock was a half hour slow. I was flagged at check in as a terrorist, maybe it was the bomb swab at DIA, which slowed our already lateness and we made it to the plane just as they were calling for our section to board. As we prepare to sit down the guy across the aisle starts swinging at me and uttering something guttural sounding. I told him it wasn't time for my daily beating yet but if I got out of line he should take care of me. The guy thanked me for having a sense of humor about his condition which I think might be close to palsy with a touch of Turrets syndrome. Later when the beverage cart came down he ordered coffee and I'm thinking to myself this isn't going to end well. The guy behind my girlfriend was a large man and he proceeded to rest over the top of my girlfriend's seat for most of the flight. The seat in front of my girlfriend decided to fall apart mid flight and cut her foot.
This was a messed up trip. Next trip will be to Vegas with my brother, hopefully that goes better.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Farewell Farrah...
Being a teen in the early 80's and just discovering the joys of masturbation, she was one of the women I often thought of during such discovery's.
Children around the world are once again safe....
Michael Jackson will no longer be able to entice youngster with "Jesus Juice" but he may have to answer to Jesus himself.
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