Thursday, November 16, 2017

Why didn't I think of that?

Cashier: Use self-checkout. : Oh ok, I’m gonna need the employee discount code. Cashier: Why? Are you an employee? : Apparently I am now.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Good Kansas City BBQ?

It must have been some bad gas to cause a police officer to stop the interrogation.

 http://www.kansascity.com/news/local/crime/article183176961.html

Maybe it was the beans with the BBQ.



Monday, October 23, 2017

Business Trav-els-esty

Last week I took a business trip to Orlando for a user conference on our new software. On the final approach I notice all the blue tarps covering parts of roofs. And I mean a lot of roofs. I would say 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 roofs had some blue tarps on them. Some covering the entire roof and some just a section of a roof. I was surprised by the amount of them as the hurricane was over a month ago and I figured there would be not so much damage or at least the damage would have been repaired. Third world Florida.

On a flying note to you ever check to see if the life jacket is under your seat? You would be kinda screwed in an emergency water landing if someone had stolen your life jacket as a souvenir.

I flew into MCO and went to baggage claim to retrieve my bag. Lots of people in the baggage claim area as is normally the case with people on vacation for a week or two to see the local attractions, i.e. the big rat. People slowly filter out as they retrieve their bags until finally I am the last one there and there are two bags making their way around the carousel and neither is my bag. I do the paperwork at the baggage services office next to the baggage claim area and they tell me they will delivery the bag to my hotel when it arrives. I go and get my rental car an head off to the hotel. I-4 is a total piece of crap of a road I note as I head from south Orlando to north Orlando. Lots of construction but nothing getting done. It seems like I-4 in Orlando is always under construction but the road surface never changes and keeps deteriorating. Our tax dollars not at work.

Get to the hotel, Extended Stay an hour or so later and I have a meet and greet at the Hilton down the street in less than an hour and due to my bag being lost I have no deodorant nor my hair brush nor a change of clothes to be able to freshen up and it being Orlando and I being a large American I have already sweat quite a bit. I figure as long as I can blow dry my hair using my fingers as a comb I should be able to look half way presentable. I got into the bathroom and there is a plate on the wall with hooks where the hair dryer would connect but no hair dryer. I begin a search of the room to see if maybe it was elsewhere. The Extended Stay is a longer stay hotel where they have kitchenettes in each room so lots of drawers and cabinets. In one of the cabinets I find a box a Magnum condoms with 1 condom remaining. Nice.

I call down to the lobby and ask them why there is no hairdryer and they let me know that they keep getting stolen by their clientele. They have no extras so they proceed to steal one from another room  so I will have one. I do my best to dry my hair. At this point I am thirsty and I can't find an ice machine. It turns out that I have to make my own ice in blue trays that are in the freezer. High Pollutin'.

Did the meet and greet and it was awesome food. A whole tenderloin cooked perfectly, Salmon Wellington, cheese trays, vegetable trays, fruit trays and a Mac and Cheese bar where you fill up a martini glass with mac and cheese and then you can add like 20 different topping like chicken, bacon bits, chives, shallots, more shredded cheeses, etc. Good conversation as well as an open bar. It's good to be the King.

Still no bag when I get back to my hotel so I head out to find a Walgreens/CVS to pickup some essentials I will need for getting ready for bed and in the morning. I settle in for some quality sleep as I had been up since 3 AM to catch my 6 AM flight. At around midnight I get woken up by a phone call. I thought it was my wake up call but when I picked up the hotel phone it kept ringing. I then realized it was my cellphone ringing. I answer it and it is the baggage delivery guy telling me he is in the lobby. I tell him to leave the bag and I will be down shortly to retrieve it as he had woken me up anyways I might as well go down and pick it up. Vastly different work schedules.

After the first day of training I was out with my fellow co-workers to the World of Beers for a few adult beverages and when my co-workers went off to do something a fellow bar patron started up a conversation with me. I noticed his ring had a symbol I had seen before and it turns out it was a Mason's ring and being that my grandfather was a Mason we got to talking about the Masons. The conversation took a strange turn when he started talking about secret work that he did for the U.S. government in Afghanistan and Iraq. He was not a serviceman but more like a Blackwater employee. Now was this just a story to puff up his ego or was it real we may never know. He was now into the medical marijuana business doing HVAC work for the grow operations. The people you meet.

The conference concluded and I went to catch my plane home. I got into a short line at MCO which is unheard of but it soon turned out to be the wrong line. At one point we didn't move for at least 15 minutes. After about a half an hour we finally made it through. I get to the gate and take a seat and await the arrival of my plane As the plane arrives, we line up to get on board and then we hear the announcement that an indicator light had been noted on the flight in and they would need to get maintenance to check the plane. After about 30 minutes the next announcement came over the loudspeakers that the plane could not be fixed quickly and was to be taken to a maintenance hanger. So now we don't a plane. The airline did some juggling and our new flight out would be in an hour and half. How airlines juggle is to start a rolling wave of delays. As soon as our flight was reschedule the flight to Columbus was delayed by and hour which means we stole the Columbus flights plane and the Columbus flight will steal someone else's plane until they can get a replacement plane from somewhere else or they can get the original plane fixed. Robbing Columbus to pay Denver.

I leave you with the Big Lebowski Stranger.
"It was a pretty good story. Don't you think. It made me laugh to beat the band. Parts, anyway"




Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Aurora Borealis on Uranus....you better get that checked out

How I Feel After Some Projects Complete (Last scene dialog from ‘Burn After Reading’ - Cohen Brothers

GARDNER “Jesus, what a clusterfuck. That's it then. No one else really knows anything. Okay.”
PALMER “Um.     Well sir, there is...”
GARDNER “... What did we learn, Palmer.”
PALMER “I don't know, sir.”
GARDNER “I don't fucking know either. I guess we learned not to do it again.”
PALMER “Yes sir.”
GARDNER “Although I'm fucked if I know what we did.”
PALMER “Yes sir.    Hard to say.”


Monday, October 9, 2017

Not sure if they realize.....

....the statement they are making. But since they are a Trump supporter my guess is no.


Friday, October 6, 2017

Great Parody

https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2017/10/06/limbaugh-hannity-jones-north-korea-parody-this-did-not-happen-neal-urwitz-column/735107001/


What a conversation between Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and Alex Jones would sound like after Seattle was nuked by North Korea.

"Getting rid of those lattes was the most important part"" The chemicals in those lattes promote gay""That's why I sell Infowars brand coffee filters......"

"Rush and I are the real journalists, we won't get distracted from the real stories just because a major American city gets bombed"

"The real question is why was it  Hillary Clinton wanted to see Seattle destroyed"

" And where is Microsoft based? Seattle of course. Seeing Seattle destroyed was the only way she could permanently deleted those emails"

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

RIP Hugh Hefner

The passing of an icon. Hugh Hefner brought the female form to the pages of his magazine in tasteful pictures. He opened up the sexual revolution for better or worse.

I remember my first introduction to the magazine as a teenager was during a summer I spent with my uncle and aunt in Florida while my parents and rest of my siblings headed off to Wisconsin for the normal month long vacation to the farm. I had a prosperous lawn mowing business with ten clients that I mowed weekly. I could not take a month off from it so I choose to stay in Florida.

A little after I took up residence I found my uncles stash of Playboys. I'm not sure whether he had a subscription or if they were left overs from his gas station/convenience store. Almost forgot about the store. I would do inventory with my dad every month and I was never allowed to count the Playboys and other magazines that the store sold. Back to the topic. Playboy was a high class magazine. The pictures were never porn-ish  as some of the other magazines, like Hustler were. Playboy shot nice pictures of ladies in varying stage of undress and it was classy. Now I know this will sound insincere at best but I did actually read the articles as well. In fact I read a short story in Playboy one time that later turned into the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High. I liked the cartoons and the interviews of famous people each month as well. Hugh liked large natural breasts and I myself like the same. Did he sway me or was that my natural inclination, we may never know.

One last Playboy note was I had a Spanish teacher in high school that was a playmate. Now she was well past her prime and probably late fifties early sixties when she was my teacher but someone brought in the magazine one time and was showing it around next to their locker in case a teacher or administrator came by they could stash it in the locker and no one would be the wiser.

Thank you Hugh and hopefully there is a grotto in Heaven.  

Rest in Peace Tom Petty



Best video in my opinion. Especially the end.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aowSGxim_O8

What a collection of music he leaves. So many hits. I got to see him perform at Fiddler's Green several years ago. Great concert. Might never be another.

Rest in Peace Mr Petty

One of the weirder videos out there




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0JvF9vpqx8

...but really good music. He made the world a better place.


Monday, October 2, 2017

NFL Protests

My view on the NFL protests is that everyone has the right to do as they please as long it doesn't harm others. Harm meaning physical harm. Any emotional harm to you is your own doing and not my concern. If you don't like it don't watch TV or go to the game. Real simple.

The players who are a majority non-white saw Trump's tweets as something that they saw as unwarranted and deserving of a response. Even the owners saw that Trump went to far and were on the field with their  players.

Everyone that says that it is disrespectful to the country, the flag and the military should ask themselves if they like to have the ability to express themselves on a variety of issues without fear of imprisonment or death. Our veterans and active duty military put their lives on the line to protect that which we hold dear. Our Constitution. Included in the Constitution in the Bill of Rights is the First Amendment which allows you to have free speech without fear of oppression. These complainers and Trump really need to take a civics lesson.

The protest is not about the country or the flag is is about racial justice. For those that don't like the protests they need to put themselves in the shoes of a different colored person. Your new racial identity includes no power, no money and the law enforcement around you is a different race. Every time you go out people look at you as if you have already committed a crime.Think about it for a second and see if you would want to be in that place.

I am not saying all of the actions by the police against the minorities are unwarranted. In the videos I have seen the police have used necessary force most of the time and the minority victim could have done what the officers told him/her to do and not have escalated the situation. However I have seen some where the police step way over the line. I know that the police put themselves in harms way everyday but they must show restraint unless the suspect starts acting stupid and then by all means take them down. Thin the herd. But when they are following your orders and you continue to beat them or shoot them that is going over the line.

Well enough of my rant.

I suppose the one good that could come out of this is if these season ticket holders don't buy next year to boycott the NFL I might get to move to better seats.