Wednesday, August 1, 2018

American Land Uses

As seen at The Big Picture.

Very interesting to see just how we use the land in America. Do we really need 2 million acres devoted to Golf?

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

A Fine Mist of Bullshit

I haven't listened to the podcast but I liked the name of it and Rudy Giuliani inside a poop emoji.

Friday, July 27, 2018

Meat Car

Been reading the blog of Elisson "Lost in the Cheese Aisle" for quite some time. He has been recently diagnosed with ALS. His style of writing was always witty and I think even with a terminal illness he still has the touch. Go take a read

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Colorado Weather

We have been having some active weather lately in Colorado. Lots of rain, hail and wind. With all the rain the soil is saturated and you add in the wind and now 2 of my trees have been blown over. We propped them back up and tied them to posts with ratchet straps. One of the trees, the Northern Elm, though is probably 20ft tall so I don't know if it will make it. The other is my peach tree. The peach is the only tree that has fruit on it still as all the apples have disappeared(squirrels?) and the cherry had no blossoms this year.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018


From the mouths of babes....

In the front yard god son playing on the sidewalk with a rollie pollie, up walks god daughter and stomps on the rollie pollie. The mother asks why would she do that. The god son responds trying to diffuse the situation, "Don't worry mom his soul is with Jesus and his body is with concrete".

God son believes that Jesus must be a zombie because he died and came back to life just like a zombie does.

Musings from the hospital.....

While taking my girlfriend for walks around the hospital floor there is a prisoner who is chained to the bed with a guard always in his room. My girlfriend has COPD really bad so we take breaks as we walk and we took a break right at the prisoners room and he was watching TV. He was watching.....COPS.

On the menu the other day at the hospital I noticed they had Beef Wellington. I like Beef Wellington. Filet with vegetables wrapped in a puff pastry, yum. Well it turns out Beef Wellington at the hospital is ground beef with a vegetable compote covered by a soggy bread like substance. So I asked what would Surf and Turf be at the hospital, girlfriend responds

"Pigs Feet and a Goldfish".

We laughed for quite some time at that.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Just add eyes...... Trump's signature and it looks like a Klan gathering.

Friday, July 13, 2018

There is no Collusion....

...except on the day I asked Russia to find the 30,000 missing Clinton emails the Russians started phishing and hacking attacks on Clinton's servers and the DNC servers. Probably just unfortunate timing right?

Almost sounds like....  "He fell on a knife 9 times. Very unfortunate for the young man."

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Trump voters are not the brightest bulbs....

These workers have already seen 12% of their fellow employees get the ax because of Trump's tariffs but they still support Trump and their jobs could very well be next on the chopping block. They will soon be unemployed and on the government dole that they rail so hard against. What will it take to convince someone like this to make better judgments, they vote against their very own self interests.


Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Red Hen Protestors

This is one of the funniest articles I have read lately. It's just interviewing protestors and reporting at the Red Hen.

Funny Lines from the article:

LEXINGTON, Va. —America broke out Tuesday afternoon in this small Shenandoah Valley town.

“Just to let these people know that we don’t appreciate their communism and their kicking out our public servant,” said Chris Wayne, 35, 

Wayne gave his occupation as “vigilante” — he pointed to the “VGL-NTE” license plates

“It’s lost its way. There are too many come-heres and transplants and carpetbaggers,”

“Don’t eat at the commie cluck,” read one woman’s hand-lettered poster.

“This town is full of people who don’t know Jesus Christ and rebel against Jesus Christ through their sins,” shouted Dianna Orea, 50

Edgar Orea, began railing against “Sodomites.”

A ponytailed man came up with a bucket of chicken manure and dumped it on the corner in front of the Red Hen and was promptly arrested. 

And the Best one...

Wayne and Jennings, the Confederate flaggers, quickly crossed the street to get away from the anti-gay sloganeers. “We don’t want anything to do with that crazy religious bigot stuff,” Wayne said.

This is America Today. I weep.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

[Voice of Keith Morrison - Dateline] "Oh, That Pesky Constitution......"

New Art Work Appearing at Big Pharmaceutical Headquarter Offices. What Can It Mean? Asking for a Friend......

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

WWJD? Who Would Jesus Detain? seen in the comments on the separating of children from their parents in the immigration debacle happening along the border.

Not sure how anyone with a conscience could think this is a good idea to separate families. These children will be traumatized for the rest of their lives and will come back to haunt us once they reach maturity. I believe this is how terrorist are formed.

Dooce has some insight.

Bonddad Blog has his take.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

The New Face of the Republican Party (GOP)

Multiple Facial Piercing - Check
Make America Great Again Hat - Check
Pot Coin TShirt - Check
Supports Communist Dictator (and Kim Jong Un) - Check
Supports Frat Boy executions for felony convictions (Otto Warmbier) - Check

Favorite Twitter Posts from Korea Summit:
@BenjySarlin I’m not sure it’s possible to capture an entire era in one image, but Dennis Rodman running a cryptocurrency grift on live TV from the North Korea summit while wearing a MAGA is a serious nominee

@ObsoleteDogma Just trying to explain to 1998 me that Dennis Rodman is trying to sell an online scam currency based on marijuana while he’s outside a North Korean peace summit that President Donald Trump is holding

@UncleBlazer Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what Dennis Rodman can do for your country.

@ktumulty Dennis Rodman’s Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech is going to be epic.

@AndyRuther - Our President is a reality TV star who tweets like a 14 year old girl.
- Former Olympic champ Bruce Jenner is now a chick.
- Dennis Rodman is helping disarm North Korea's nuclear warhead program.
- And Kim Kardashian is getting people released from prison.
Welcome to 2018!

@EsotericCD Dennis Rodman, standing in Singapore, talking live on CNN, just shouted out to Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam in thanks for his support in Rodman's North Korean diplomacy efforts.
I'm tripping balls, aren't I?

@senatorshoshana I feel like Dennis Rodman crying on CNN is one of those things someone from the future will be sent back in time to stop

@EdKrassen I just listened to Dennis Rodman speak for 10 minutes on the #TrumpKimSummit. Why do I feel like I just ran a marathon backwards?

@GhostPanther Sleep easy fellow citizens. Donald Trump and Dennis Rodman are negotiating for the nuclear fate of mankind.

Monday, June 11, 2018

Fox & Friends Anchor: "Regardless of What Happens in that Meeting Between the Two Dictators...." And No One Corrects Her?!?!?!?

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Welcome to Bar Facebook (Godfather's Favorite Watering Hole)

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Jim Jefferies Joins Samantha Bee's - C*nt (Ivanka Trump) Apology Tour

Already Pre-Ordered Case of Korea Peace Talks Commemorative Coins (discounted for obvious reasons)

Whitehouse Gift Shop

Small Hands??

The letter is actually a normal size letter. It just shows that Trump's hands are small.
Great practical joke by Kim Jong-un.

Monday, June 4, 2018

Gates open up for prejudice

Well the Supreme Court decided the Masterpiece Baker was within his rights to refuse to make a cake for the gay couple.  Of course the couple probably should not have asked for a dick shaped cake in the first place. The baker would have needed to order a new cake pan.

I'm sure this will release all the bigoted and prejudiced people to feel free to discriminate against anyone they don't like. Welcome to Trumplandia. Enjoy the ride.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

We Are Well Stocked w/ BBQ Sauce in Case of Apocalyptic Crisis

Michael Keaton's Advise to Graduates

Friday, June 1, 2018

It's For Sale by Who??

Reflective clothing for chickens. Yes chickens.
Sold by the company called Omlet. Awesome.

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Who Greenlighted This???

How can anyone have said "Yes let's make this game". They have got to be the stupidest person to walk the planet. "Why yes, I think a school shooter needs to practice his craft first".

What's worse....

This isn't the first video game to create such controversy. In 2011, another game, "School Shooter," which portrayed the Columbine school shooting that took place in 1999 in Colorado, was pulled after public outcry.

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

I was wrong too....

One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. 
Those people walk just like that." 

The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. 
He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." 

Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him
And one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help 
But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have.. 
Could you tell us what it is?"

The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."

The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." 

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." 

The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."

The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."

So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"

The old man said, "Well, I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"

Thanks Woodsterman

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Kim's Long Game, Trumps Short Game

Drive for Show, Putt for Dough. Kim succeeded,Trump not so much.

Monday, May 21, 2018

Royal Wedding - Pool Side Apparel

Traffic Metering Light Incident

Hey, someone mowed over the traffic metering light (good for them).

Hey, there is the car that mowed over the metering light (ouch).

Hey, look at that young couple yelling at each other.

I wanted to stop and thank them for mowing over that stupid metering light, but it looked like they had lots to 'talk' about......

Godfathers Future Calls Home using Google Assistant?

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Onion - Girl Scouts Response to Boy Scout's Announcement This Week (allowing girls to join)

Responding to the Boy Scouts’ decision to open up their organization to all genders, the Girl Scouts of America officially announced Thursday that they’ll never ever let any gross-ass fucking boys in. “The Girls Scouts remain dedicated to raising the next generation of America’s women leaders, and as such, there is no way in hell we’d ever consider letting a bunch of dirty, stinky boys into our association,” said CEO Sylvia Acevedo, explaining that they’re firmly committed to restricting the admission of rude, loud young men who smell like shit and will mess everything up by getting in the way of their mission to grow their members into happy, successful, and civically engaged young women. “Not in a million goddamn years would we allow those booger-eating slobs to take part in our camping or community service activities. They’ll just fart and burp and piss everywhere all the time.” At press time, Girl Scout officials also stated that they wouldn’t allow anyone from the Boy Scouts to join, adding that everyone knows the organization was for total pussies.

Inappropriate Sesame Street Captions....

Onion: "Cambridge Analytica Offers 75% Off All Facebook User Data For Blowout Closing Sale"

Monday, April 30, 2018

How Suitcase Full Of Pepperoni & Flock Of Seagulls Got Man Banned from Victoria Hotel

Dear Empress Hotel:

This may seem like and unusual request, but I write to you today, seeking a “pardon”.
17 Years ago a string of unfortunate events led to my being banned from your hotel. I would like to explain the incident……

In 2001, I had recently joined my current employer, xxxxxxxxx and I was also in the Canadian Naval Reserve. xxxxxxxxx was hosting a customer conference at the Empress and it was my first event with the company.

I told my Navy buddies that I was coming out West and I was asked to bring “Brother’s Pepperoni” from Halifax. It is a local delicacy. Because this was the Navy we were talking about, I brought enough for a ship. In a hurry, I had completely filled a suitcase with pepperoni for my friends. Some of it was wrapped in plastic, some in brown paper. I took whatever Brothers would sell me.

This is the bag that the airline misplaced.

The bag reappeared the next day. I knew that the pepperoni would still be “good”. It had only been at room temperature for a short time. It would, however, be quite some time before I could turn it over to my friends.

Just to be safe, I decided that I should keep it cool.

My room was a nice, big, front-facing room on the fourth floor. It was well appointed, but it did not have a refrigerator. It was April, the air was chilly. An easy way to keep all of this food cool would be just to keep it next to an open window. I lifted one of the sashes and spread the packages of pepperoni out on the table and window sill. Then, I went for a walk…..for about 4 or 5 hours.

When I had covered enough ground, I returned to the hotel. I remember walking down the long hall and opening the door to my room to find an entire flock of seagulls in my room. I didn’t have time to count, but there must have been 40 of them and they had been in my room, eating pepperoni for a long time.

In case you were wondering, Brothers’ TNT Pepperoni does NASTY things to a seagull’s digestive system. As you would expect, the room was covered in seagull crap. What I did not realize until then was that Seagulls also drool. Especially when they eat pepperoni.

I’m sure you have an image in your head. Now remember that I have just walked into the room and startled all of these birds. They immediately started flying around and crashing into things as they desperately tried to leave the room through the small opening by which they had entered.

Less composed seagulls are attempting to leave through the other CLOSED windows. The result was a tornado of seagull excrement, feathers, pepperoni chunks and fairly large birds whipping around the room. The lamps were falling. The curtains were trashed. The coffee tray was just disgusting.

I waded through the birds and opened the remaining windows. Most of the gulls left immediately. One tried to re-enter the room to grab another piece of pepperoni and in my agitated state, I took off one of my shoes and threw it at him.

Both the gull and the shoe went out the window.

By this time, I was down to one gull left in the room, but it was a big one, and it didn’t want to leave.
As I chased it, it ran around the room with a big hunk of pepperoni in its gob.

In a moment of clarity, I grabbed a bath-towel and jumped it. It stated to freak-out so I wrapped it in the towel and threw it out of the window.

I had forgotten that Seagulls cannot fly when they are wrapped in a towel.

This is all happening fairly quickly and this is mid-afternoon. The Empress hosts a very famous and very popular “High Tea”. I suspect this is where the large group of tourists was heading when they were struck by first my shoe, then a bound-up seagull (the seagull was unharmed, by the way).

Let’s go back to my little housekeeping issue. The room was BAD. There was a lot of damage.

I was new to my company and I was really trying to make a good impression at this important event. I decided that I would carry on for now and handle this whole thing later. I then realized that I had only a few minutes before an important dinner and that I only had one shoe.

I made my way to one of the side doors and recovered both the shoe and the towel that were laying in some wet soil bear the walking path. The shoe was a mess. I took it back to the room. By this time, I had close the windows and the air was becoming quite ripe with the smell of digested pepperoni and fish.

I went into the washroom and rinsed the mud off of my shoe. It cleaned-up nicely, but now I had one wet, dark shoe, and one dry, light coloured shoe.

In retrospect, I should have just wet the dry shoe. Instead, I choose to dry the wet shoe using the little hairdryer. It was actually doing quite well. I had the hairdryer jammed in there and the shoe was drying quite nicely. Then, the phone rang.

I walked into the next room to answer it and the power goes off. It turns-out that the hairdryer had vibrated free of the shoe and fallen into the sink full of water and the GFI didn’t seem be 100% functional. I don’t know how much of the hotel’s power I knocked-out, but at that point I decided I needed help.

I called the front desk and asked for someone to come help me clean-up a mess. I can still remember the look on the lady’s face when she opened the door. I had absolutely no Idea what to tell her, so I just said “I’m sorry” and I went to dinner. When I came back, my things had been moved to a much smaller room.

I thought that was the end of it all until I was told that my company had received a letter banning me from the Empress. A ban that I have respected for almost 18 years.

I have matured and I admit responsibility for my actions. I come to you, hat-in-hand to apologise for the damage I had indirectly come to cause and to ask you reconsider my lifetime ban from the property.
I hope that you will see fit to either grant me a pardon, or consider my 18 year away from the empress as “time served”.

Thank you very much for your consideration.

Nick Burchill

**Update 31 March**
After reviewing my application for a pardon with the Empress staff; Ryan, the manager has notified me verbally that I will once again be welcome as a guest. I bet it was the pound of Brothers Pepperoni that I gave them as a peace offering that did the trick.