Monday, December 24, 2018

Sam's Club - Membership Renew Adventures

The Godfather is most generous and usually pays my Sam's Club membership via his business plan.
This year was different and Sam's requested a membership fee from me to continue shopping. 
I paid.

Some days later I inquired on the difference on this year's membership with their Service Desk as The Godfather thought memberships were paid for all associates accounts.
They explained that only the primary business account holder's membership was paid.
Toby: "The Godfather is never wrong!!!"
Sam's Service Desk: "Who?"
<stormed out of the Sam's Club>

<gathered composure and returned to Sam's>
Sam's Service Desk: "The Godfather may think all account memberships are paid for, but The Godfather is incorrect. We see this scenario all the time...."
Toby: "What part of 'The Godfather is never wrong' is ambiguous to you?"
Sam's Service Desk <smirking>: "And The Godfather must not like you very much....."
Toby: "Why?"
Sam's Service Desk: "For the same price, you could have a membership with all benefits."
Toby: "And....."
Sam's Service Desk: "You have no benefits.  However, there is an added bonus; You paid for The Godfather's girlfriend's membership!"
Toby: "That's not a bonus to me......"

Sunday, December 16, 2018

Interesting White House Cabinet Selection Strategy - Insult The Boss and You're Hired

Friday, December 7, 2018

Must Get Stoned

I know it's not word for word from the bible but it's still a funny interpretation.

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Sore Loser Republicans

Republicans in Wisconsin and Michigan lost their power and now in their lame duck sessions they are reducing the power of the new Democrats who won but have not been seated. North Carolina did this as well in 2016.

This is a disgrace to democracy as is the gerrymandered districting. Colorado just voted to have 3 Republican, 3 Democrats and 3 Independents do the next redistricting, eliminating the party in power from being able to choose their voters.

Thursday, November 29, 2018

Thursday, November 22, 2018

Happy Thanksgiving

The proper way to thaw your bird.
Put it in the sink and let it chill

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Dead Guy Wins Nevada Race

Brothel owner who died Oct 16, 3 weeks before the election, won his race. The Republicans are so entrenched that they would rather a dead guy win than a Democrat. Now it is true that they will give his seat to another Republican, but still come on people.

Tuesday, November 6, 2018


Guy who oversees Georgia voting who is also running for Georgia Govenor has problems voting on the machines he oversees. Priceless.

I like the Idea

Well that's a problem


Election Day got off to a rocky start when voters in one town outside Phoenix showed up to vote only to find their polling place had been foreclosed upon the day before.
Maricopa County Recorder Adrian Fontes said the landlord of the building, which appears to be a strip mall, locked it overnight after workers already had set up the polling place. There are ballots inside the building, he said.
Fontes said his staff was working with the sheriff’s office to see whether they could forcibly enter the property to collect the ballots and equipment. In the meantime, he said, poll workers set up a temporary polling place in the parking lot.

Triumph at his best

Monday, October 22, 2018

Alexander Graham Bell & Thomas Edison Would Be So Proud (how far their communication technology has advanced)!

Wednesday, October 17, 2018

Potty Humor

When I'm in a public toilet and some sits down in the stall next to me I like to take my used toilet paper and place it under the stall wall and say " Hey buddy can you help me I'm blind, Is it clean yet?"

Friday, October 5, 2018

Coors vs Miller

With the Colorado Rockies(Coors Field) and Milwaukee Brewers(Miller Park) in the NLDS the two beer companies have a friendly wager that who ever loses has to buy the other teams fans a beer before the NLCS begins. Of course both brands are owned by the same parent company so it is just a give away to the winning fans essentially.

Go Rockies


Metro State student shows you can make an ass of yourself on live TV.

Thursday, October 4, 2018

Twitter Funny

I assume whenever I leave a room Oompa Loompas show up and teach everyone a valuable life lesson in song form around the mistakes I’ve made.

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Thursday, September 27, 2018

Kavanaugh Kegger

Kavanaugh Scores Keg for Blasey Ford Testimony.

Thanks Onion

Friday, September 21, 2018

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Trump's Garbled National Anthem.....

It was some time ago that Trump could not remember our national anthem. Just came across this below picture that explains what Trump was actually singing and just started laughing.

Monday, September 3, 2018

New Yorker Festival Announces Steve Bannon will Headline - "I'm Out!"

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Watch it to the end....

As an accountant I found this entertaining. But it does say something about the times we live in where everybody gets a trophy and Fact are Not Facts.

Monday, August 20, 2018

I am

So on the way to the hospital the other day to visit my girlfriend who has now received a lung transplant I come up to the intersection of Airport and 6th Street. There is a plastic grocery bag in the middle of the intersection. Airport Blvd is 6 lanes and 6th Street is 4 lanes and this bag is right in the center of the interchange and moves as cars go whipping past. As cars turn it moves this way and that but basically stays right in the same spot just spinning from all the movement around it.

I look at the bag and see my life right now. I have no control, I'm being spun this way and that as I try to put out the dumpster fire that my life has become. I think I am starting to get a cold, my back hurts, my feet hurt, I'm losing my mind. I'm working on pure adrenalin it seems now. I don't know how much longer I can do this. There is so much work to be done at her house to get it ready for a lung transplant patient. At least I had a vacation right after her surgery so I started the work with something in the tank but the tank grows drier by the day. More people have started to contribute but it seems like I am all alone in this fight.

I'm tired, I am the plastic bag.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

American Land Uses

As seen at The Big Picture.

Very interesting to see just how we use the land in America. Do we really need 2 million acres devoted to Golf?

Tuesday, July 31, 2018

A Fine Mist of Bullshit

I haven't listened to the podcast but I liked the name of it and Rudy Giuliani inside a poop emoji.

Friday, July 27, 2018

Meat Car

Been reading the blog of Elisson "Lost in the Cheese Aisle" for quite some time. He has been recently diagnosed with ALS. His style of writing was always witty and I think even with a terminal illness he still has the touch. Go take a read

Thursday, July 26, 2018

Colorado Weather

We have been having some active weather lately in Colorado. Lots of rain, hail and wind. With all the rain the soil is saturated and you add in the wind and now 2 of my trees have been blown over. We propped them back up and tied them to posts with ratchet straps. One of the trees, the Northern Elm, though is probably 20ft tall so I don't know if it will make it. The other is my peach tree. The peach is the only tree that has fruit on it still as all the apples have disappeared(squirrels?) and the cherry had no blossoms this year.

Wednesday, July 25, 2018


From the mouths of babes....

In the front yard god son playing on the sidewalk with a rollie pollie, up walks god daughter and stomps on the rollie pollie. The mother asks why would she do that. The god son responds trying to diffuse the situation, "Don't worry mom his soul is with Jesus and his body is with concrete".

God son believes that Jesus must be a zombie because he died and came back to life just like a zombie does.

Musings from the hospital.....

While taking my girlfriend for walks around the hospital floor there is a prisoner who is chained to the bed with a guard always in his room. My girlfriend has COPD really bad so we take breaks as we walk and we took a break right at the prisoners room and he was watching TV. He was watching.....COPS.

On the menu the other day at the hospital I noticed they had Beef Wellington. I like Beef Wellington. Filet with vegetables wrapped in a puff pastry, yum. Well it turns out Beef Wellington at the hospital is ground beef with a vegetable compote covered by a soggy bread like substance. So I asked what would Surf and Turf be at the hospital, girlfriend responds

"Pigs Feet and a Goldfish".

We laughed for quite some time at that.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Just add eyes...... Trump's signature and it looks like a Klan gathering.

Friday, July 13, 2018

There is no Collusion....

...except on the day I asked Russia to find the 30,000 missing Clinton emails the Russians started phishing and hacking attacks on Clinton's servers and the DNC servers. Probably just unfortunate timing right?

Almost sounds like....  "He fell on a knife 9 times. Very unfortunate for the young man."

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Trump voters are not the brightest bulbs....

These workers have already seen 12% of their fellow employees get the ax because of Trump's tariffs but they still support Trump and their jobs could very well be next on the chopping block. They will soon be unemployed and on the government dole that they rail so hard against. What will it take to convince someone like this to make better judgments, they vote against their very own self interests.


Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Red Hen Protestors

This is one of the funniest articles I have read lately. It's just interviewing protestors and reporting at the Red Hen.

Funny Lines from the article:

LEXINGTON, Va. —America broke out Tuesday afternoon in this small Shenandoah Valley town.

“Just to let these people know that we don’t appreciate their communism and their kicking out our public servant,” said Chris Wayne, 35, 

Wayne gave his occupation as “vigilante” — he pointed to the “VGL-NTE” license plates

“It’s lost its way. There are too many come-heres and transplants and carpetbaggers,”

“Don’t eat at the commie cluck,” read one woman’s hand-lettered poster.

“This town is full of people who don’t know Jesus Christ and rebel against Jesus Christ through their sins,” shouted Dianna Orea, 50

Edgar Orea, began railing against “Sodomites.”

A ponytailed man came up with a bucket of chicken manure and dumped it on the corner in front of the Red Hen and was promptly arrested. 

And the Best one...

Wayne and Jennings, the Confederate flaggers, quickly crossed the street to get away from the anti-gay sloganeers. “We don’t want anything to do with that crazy religious bigot stuff,” Wayne said.

This is America Today. I weep.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

[Voice of Keith Morrison - Dateline] "Oh, That Pesky Constitution......"

New Art Work Appearing at Big Pharmaceutical Headquarter Offices. What Can It Mean? Asking for a Friend......

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

WWJD? Who Would Jesus Detain? seen in the comments on the separating of children from their parents in the immigration debacle happening along the border.

Not sure how anyone with a conscience could think this is a good idea to separate families. These children will be traumatized for the rest of their lives and will come back to haunt us once they reach maturity. I believe this is how terrorist are formed.

Dooce has some insight.

Bonddad Blog has his take.

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

The New Face of the Republican Party (GOP)

Multiple Facial Piercing - Check
Make America Great Again Hat - Check
Pot Coin TShirt - Check
Supports Communist Dictator (and Kim Jong Un) - Check
Supports Frat Boy executions for felony convictions (Otto Warmbier) - Check

Favorite Twitter Posts from Korea Summit:
@BenjySarlin I’m not sure it’s possible to capture an entire era in one image, but Dennis Rodman running a cryptocurrency grift on live TV from the North Korea summit while wearing a MAGA is a serious nominee

@ObsoleteDogma Just trying to explain to 1998 me that Dennis Rodman is trying to sell an online scam currency based on marijuana while he’s outside a North Korean peace summit that President Donald Trump is holding

@UncleBlazer Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what Dennis Rodman can do for your country.

@ktumulty Dennis Rodman’s Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech is going to be epic.

@AndyRuther - Our President is a reality TV star who tweets like a 14 year old girl.
- Former Olympic champ Bruce Jenner is now a chick.
- Dennis Rodman is helping disarm North Korea's nuclear warhead program.
- And Kim Kardashian is getting people released from prison.
Welcome to 2018!

@EsotericCD Dennis Rodman, standing in Singapore, talking live on CNN, just shouted out to Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam in thanks for his support in Rodman's North Korean diplomacy efforts.
I'm tripping balls, aren't I?

@senatorshoshana I feel like Dennis Rodman crying on CNN is one of those things someone from the future will be sent back in time to stop

@EdKrassen I just listened to Dennis Rodman speak for 10 minutes on the #TrumpKimSummit. Why do I feel like I just ran a marathon backwards?

@GhostPanther Sleep easy fellow citizens. Donald Trump and Dennis Rodman are negotiating for the nuclear fate of mankind.

Monday, June 11, 2018

Fox & Friends Anchor: "Regardless of What Happens in that Meeting Between the Two Dictators...." And No One Corrects Her?!?!?!?

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Welcome to Bar Facebook (Godfather's Favorite Watering Hole)