McRibs are BACK.....for a limited time only,damn

It's McRib season again, yeeaahhhhh! Had my first taste of the porkie goodness today and even got a Coca-Cola glass in the deal. Of course I had it in the "Godfather" version, no pickles, extra onions and add cheese. I perfected this version when I worked for the neighborhood McD's in St. Pete FL. Ahhhh... the good old days, parties on Gandy Beach(not really a beach so much as it was just a sandy area on the side of the Gandy Causeway), Seagram's 7, and loose women(loosened by alcohol and herb). But alas I'm an adult now......

From the Pursuit of Happiness's "I'm an Adult Now"....

I can't take any more illicit drugs

I can't afford any artificial joy

I'd sure look like a fool dead in a ditch somewhere

With a mind full of chemicals

Like some cheese-eating high school boy

Check out the video

They just don't make songs like this anymore.

Octopus thinks he's a Pina Colada....

How funny is this . Read more with this article .

Backyard Christmas Lights @ The Godfather's House

Magical Flying Bus Tour....

Sarah Palin is on her cross country book signing bus tour of America, or maybe not . How ignorant is this woman? If you are touting that you are just a regular real american and want to meet the people by doing a book signing bus tour to show how regular you are I think you need to use the bus for more that just a prop. Granted she is using the bus for trips within a certain distance but when that's done it's onto a Gulfstream corporate jet to another destination. If you want to call it a bus tour you plan the stops along a route that the bus would follow not hopscotch across the nation using the bus only as a prop. There is a serious disconnect in her mind as what a real american is, cause she ain't one. I also love that she will only visit cities that voted conservatively in the last election, as if conservatives are the only real americans. She did a signing in Colorado Springs, home of the ultra conservative "Focus on the Family" but bypassed more populous Denver because obviously there are no real americans in Denver because we voted for Mr. Obama in the metro area.

Also at the end of the video is a piece on an unexpected gift given to Goodwill, but one that won't be going out for the kids.

FOX News...maybe just a little unbalanced

Fox News Chicago likes pie. I'd like to see the Thanksgiving day spread at this news channel, I believe they might be able to end world hunger.

The case for term limits...

With the Senate vote coming up on whether to continue the Health care debate it seems that the members of Congress vote not on the wishes of its constituency that voted it into office or on their moral compass but on whether their vote will allow them to keep their office. If you got voted in on a certain platform you should stick with that platform whether it gets you re-elected or not. The job of a Congressional delegate is not to vote to get re-elected but to vote based on what got them there to begin with. It was never meant to be a life long position, it was to offer your service to the country. These people that have been in the Senate and House for ages don't have any new ideas, they are merely holding others from bringing new ideas to the table. Since the electorate can't seem to move these bums along I think its time to enact countrywide term limits for all higher offices not just the Presidency.

Well, that and Senator Byrd

Tastes like chicken....

Durango city council got a visit from a chicken, OK a person in a chicken suit, during a rules hearing on backyard fowl. The chicken didn't say a word but laid an egg before it left. Watch the video at the bottom if you like.

Leggo my Eggo, seriously or'll duke your lights out....

Kellogg's lost a plant to flooding and the other plant ran into machinery issues and Eggo's are going to have to be rationed. I foresee blood shed in the frozen food aisle! STOCK UP now while you still can!!! PAANNNNICCC!!!!
Oh, you know I suppose you could just buy some Bisquick and make'm the old fashioned way, sorry to alarm you, you can go back to your busy day.
Read some of the comments they are hiliarious.......

Up in smoke....

Aurora has put a moratorium on new marijuana dispensaries in the city so my plans on opening one in my house have been squashed.

Colorado did do something wise though, the governor declared that dispensaries must charge tax on pot sales, we need all the tax dollars we can with our deficits.

Waiting for the movie....

Did you run out and get your copy of Sarah Palin's "Going Rogue"? Yeah, me neither.

Did somebody forfeit?

I went into my fantasy league to check on my picks for Sundays football games and I've already got 24 points and nobody's played yet.

You're going to fit right in.....

Seen last night as the Broncos got their ass handed to them on MNF. Thought it was quite clever.

Smaller is not better....

I noticed several years ago that the makers of sweetened condensed milk changed the size of the can from 14 oz to 12.5 oz, I noticed this because the recipe I was using called for a 14 oz can and when I looked at the can I found it to be smaller. I've seen my beef jerky package go from 5 oz to 3.56 oz over the course of a year or two and yet the price actually increased. So now I come across maybe the most heinous of acts by these big mega corporations.....

They've shrunk my toilet paper!!!!!

I put a new roll on recently from a brand new mega-pak and it looked slightly different so I grabbed the old cardboard roll and compared it to the new roll and the new roll is about a half inch less in width than the old one. At a time when American asses are getting bigger is it a good idea to make the TP skinnier? Is dental floss TP far behind? This is getting ridiculous, just raise the price and keep the same sizes.

Wait for it.......

Laughed my ass off at this one..........watch to the end.

Indian women are easy......

Read in the paper today that there is a new campaign in India that if you want a wife you have to have a toilet installed in your house first or she won't marry you, it goes something like "No Loo, No I Do". I should be rolling in Indian women with the three...yes three toilets in my house, OK so one is on the fritz right now but I've got the parts and hopefully it'll be fixed tonite.

Wetback Night Football...

I got home from work yesterday and turned on the NFL game and the TV was talking to me in a foreign language....like Spanish. I thought that maybe I had tuned into Telemundo or something but then they started back with English and said it was something to do with getting the Hispanic audience involved with football. The one commercial I didn't see during the game was a number for the English challenged to call to learn to speak English, I don't even think I saw a single Rosetta Stone commercial. If you live in America learn to speak the language, that being ENGLISH!!!!

The search goes on....

Didn't get the car, sold before I had a chance to inspect it. I've been watching the market for close to 5 years now so another will present itself in the next 6 months or so. I'll probably need to move quicker this time though. until then I'll keep dreaming of the wind blowing through my hair with the targa top off.....

Internet Addiction

This is the first line of this article ,you don't have to read it unless you want to.

Last Friday I walked into the most recent inpatient Internet addiction treatment center to open in the United States and asked a really dumb question. "Do you have Wi-Fi here?"

That's funny......

Changing Stations

I've always listened to 106.7 KBPI on my morning and evening commute but recently I've switched over to 850 KOA because they have much better traffic reports and I've gotten into way too many backups lately on the freeways. I think it has something to do with the recession coming to an end and all those unemployed people making their way back to work and onto the freeways/streets, but since they are out of practice, their driving skills are a little rusty. So anyway, on 850 KOA they have a little snippet of Rush Limbaugh every morning at around 7 AM. The one this morning was him ranting about nutrition labeling on McDonald's packaging and how its a liberal boondoggle that has actually caused people to eat more unhealthy even though people think they are eating healthier now that they know what's in their food. I was thinking to myself, I don't think Rush should be railing against this liberal plot as he calls it, as he ain't the healthiest individual, he's a tad lardy. I'm no spring chicken myself but I'm not the one making a stink about it. It would be the same if he spoke vitriolically about the liberal agenda of making drugs legal, mm-kay.

Filed under "Need better binoculars"

Somali pirates attacked the wrong ship this time as it was the French Navy flagship. Granted the ship does look somewhat like a freighter and it was nighttime, but then again maybe they thought that since it was French they would just surrender.

Plans are moving forward on the vehicle purchase. The owner though is either very busy or an idiot. I won't be able to tell until I actually meet him but his replies to my emails are cryptic at best and he does his damnedest to not answer my questions, you know what, maybe I'm dealing with a politician.

...they end up owning you

I've never seen "Fight Club" but I like this article and am now thinking about renting the movie.

The article writer makes some good points about sound financial decisions. I've tried to be conservative with money, I've been in credit card debt without a penny to my name and having to go without food for a few days until the paycheck came in and I've worked my way out of this debt by going on a cash only budget and acquiring only the basic necessities for life, case in point I had never bought a couch until just this past year, I've had a few couches but they were all hand me downs or curb finds. I think that moment many years ago when I could not afford food was the financial turning point in my life, I think it's made me a better person who can see that life in not about what you own it's about how you live it and how you touch the people you meet along the way.

Of course with that being said, I can't get this Porsche out of mind. It's the right price with the all the right goodies that I've been admiring from afar for the past 25+ years since I first saw one, I drew one in my drafting class in high school, the owner of a restaurant company I worked for had one that was very similar except it wasn't a Targa. I've always been drawn to this model and I have the money to buy it, but I've always tried to be responsible with my money and I'm having a hard time overcoming my spendthrift mentality. But man do I like this car, do I need it....NO.....do I want it.....YES!!!!

I've got to make a decision......

Healthcare

I watched the speech by the president last evening on Health Care and thought he did a pretty good job at addressing the issue. I've heard from some of the fox news drones in my office that if the government gets into health care then private insurance will fold up its tent, my response back is are you kidding me? These insurance companies aren't going to give up this cash cow they have, they won't just walk away from billions in profits. They'll bitch and moan but in the end they'll still be there making a little less money which translates to lower premiums for all. I've been involved in health care coverage decisions in my last three companies I've worked for and I've seen how over the past 15 years the price of health insurance has increased by anywhere from 10% to 20% per year, yes PER YEAR, do the math and health care premiums have more than tripled during the past 15 years. Most employees have no idea how much their insurance costs because their employer has been absorbing most of the cost. People wonder why they can't seem to achieve the American Dream anymore, ITS HEALTH CARE! Your employer can't give you a raise because the health care premiums, are your raise. If we can rein in the insurance company profits, hospital profits and doctor profits maybe the rest of us can get back to realizing the American Dream once again.

On a lighter note check out this Onion article on health care.

The Great Socialist Speech on Tuesday...

I asked two of my conservative co-workers with children if they were going to keep their kids out of school on Tuesday and both said they were. My guess is neither one of these co-workers has participated in any school activities beyond "back to school night" and thusly have no idea what their kids are being taught on a daily basis. I find it amusing, to say they least, when people have such adamant views about things and that they are unwilling to even listen to other points of view. I feel sorry for their kids that they don't get to make up their own minds after hearing from the various differing points of view, and that's saying that the Obama speech will even have any political messages which my best guess is that it won't.

I'm thinking I should send out an email to the office to tell them we will be having a viewing party of the speech in the conference room on Tuesday just to see the reactions, but alas I like my job and don't want to lose it over a joke, our division VP is ultaconservative, big Limbaugh fan.

I'm sure you have heard about the altercation in CA with the guy getting his finger bitten off. The best comment I read to one of the articles was "Don't TASTE me bro", I thought that was funny as hell, that and the ironic fact that the protester against government health care used Medicare, a government health care program, to have his finger mended. From what I've read it sounds like the guy that lost his finger got was coming to him after he accosted another protester and then twice punch the guy who bit off his finger who was trying to stand up for the other protester who was intimidated. Verbal sparring is just that, verbal ,once you throw a punch any reaction from the punched person is self defense in my book, including kicking you in your nuts, gouging out an eye or biting off an appendage, whatever stops you from getting beat up works. Oh and as far as missing finger guy being a senior citizen, he may be 65 but on the clip I saw of him being interviewed he doesn't look the least bit frail, he kinda reminded me a little of Clint Eastwood.

Scenes from my life....

Seen while grocery shopping at King Soopers....
A pregant woman who had a large cucumber tucked between her ample breasts and cradling it like a baby. My thought at the time was that if she had the large cucumber several month earlier she would have alleviated herself of her present condition.

Seen at Einstein's Bagels...
a Nissan "CUBE", probably the ugliest car I've seen in a long time(to get the full ugliness click on the "Load 360" button under the car). My thought at the time was that there was probably nothing left on the lot at the end of the "Cash for Clunkers" program.

I have no children.....

....but I'm beginning to feel like a parent as I now have in my house 1 "kid" starting her second year of college and another "kid" who's living with me whose unemployed, and I'm footing most of the bills. Oh and I can't forget the other "kid" who isn't living with me but who I've given a car loan too.

At least I didn't have to wipe any of their asses.

Creative Resume Writing....

According to a commentor on this:

Someone actually put this on their resume:

10 years of Import, Distribution and Merchandising of recreational pharmaceuticals.
15 years with FCI as a machinist, cook, librarian and janitor.

and by the way....FCI=Federal correctional institution.

I guess you can make any job sound better, kinda like saying your a sanitation engineer when you drive a garbage truck.

I wonder if he got the job.

How did he get past the terrorist watch list?

Convicted airplane bomber allowed to fly home. I got pulled aside in Orlando and they let this guy on a plane, what's wrong with this picture. They should have put him on a slow boat to Libya. And what's this compassionate release because he's dying, let him die in prison, what if the diagnosis is wrong and he lives another 20 years.

Is this wrong....

Would the dog rip it to shreds?

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Notes on Vegas

Are Vegas roads ever going to be without construction? I know how to get around Vegas from countless trips to Sin City but this trip I was stymied by all the back roads around the Strip being torn up and down to one lane as well as the Strip itself being torn up especially around City Center and don't get me started on I-15, crikey!

Vegas in August is too damn HOT! On a previous trip around July 4th several years ago I told myself I should never visit during the summer again, well I was right. The last summer trip my truck broke down in the turn lane from eastbound Tropicana Blvd to southbound Las Vegas Blvd, bad place to breakdown as it's a very busy intersection, luckily the Cobalt had no such issues, of course it's 14 years newer and has 200,000 less miles on the clock.

Lazy Rivers are very enjoyable. My timeshare condo on the southern end of Las Vegas Blvd has a lazy river that my brother and I enjoyed, my brother maybe a little too much as he pulled every unused tube into the lazy river and claimed that they were his invisible friends. I pointed out his nemesis in another guest that was removing the tubes as they floated around. Only later did my brother realize he had actually helped the lifeguards as they just scooped up the tubes from the river instead of having to walk around and pick them up at the end of the day.

My brother can't party like he use too. Poor bastard missed the Vegas nighttime scene when the freaks really come out.

Wasn't a good trip for the wallet this time. The gambling this trip left a lot to be desired as I lost money and ran into some really messed up individuals. One guy who had his own problems being in a family of Trekkie's but not actually being a Trekkie fan and also being from Canada didn't like me hitting on 12 on the dealer up card of 2 or 3, and then complaining about a player leaving in the middle of a shoe, then telling another new player to not sit down until the end of the shoe to which I replied, "What is this your private table?" and then to another guy who tells me that the card I use which is the universally accepted way to play Blackjack is wrong. I got plenty of opportunities to double down and split which is when you can make back your bankroll but I couldn't get the cards I needed. I have also never seem so many dealers hit 21 when the first two cards should be sure bust cards for them. Like for instance I get dealt two face cards and the dealer has an up card of 6 and I'm thinking this looks promising and then the dealer's down card is a face card and I'm at that point thinking I've won and then a 5 comes out of the shoe, dammit! Well I can't always have winning vacations.

Silver Hairs, Silver Hairs(sung to Silver Bells)......

I've always liked Jay Leno's monologues on the "Tonite Show" and while in Vegas I went to see his stand-up act. From the opening act of an a cappella quartet of doo-wop singers I knew I wasn't the target audience. I thought there would be more current event jokes but in talking with my brother after the show, Jay Leno probably doesn't have the breadth of writers, if any, he had at the "Tonite Show". He did have a few current event jokes and a part where he asked the audience their professions and made jokes about them on the fly including one particularly funny one about a financial advisor and and unemployed friend in the audience, but then he started into what seemed very dated material. It was an entertaining show but I'm glad I got tickets for 25% off the retail price.

Top Shelf Liquor Only Please......

While in Vegas recently I visited a liquor store and as my brother checked out I looked at the pictures of the people they had caught stealing and was kinda shocked that quite a few weren't for shoplifting but for peeing in the store. On future trips I'll only be buying top shelf liquor, geospatially speaking, from this establishment.

Reader's Digest of Bankruptcy

This economy is rough on even Reader's Digest as they can only get a condensed version of bankruptcy.

Vick's New Team: A Good Fit With Eagle Fans

One downside of signing Vick to a new NFL team is the animal rights protesters.
That's why I think Philadelphia is a good fit as he is granted a new leash on life. Not because they hate pets, but because PETA members don't stand a chance against the Philly fan base. These fans boo Santa Clause, The National Anthem and also cheer for unconscious opposition players.
Not only will Eagle fans not tolerate PETA protesters, they will probably barbeque and eat them.

Great News on the New Health Care Plan!

The president does NOT want to kill my two grandmothers. I just heard his most recent town hall speech. Anyway, I was very concerned after all the rumors of Death Panels.
So, I can't wait to tell them!

Water saving idea that goes to far?

aka Crap Lasagna

Check out this idea to compost your own waste......ewwwwwwwww. Actual instruction from this.

Get Started
1. Get a five-gallon bucket and line the bottom with sawdust. Attach a lidded toilet seat.
2. Do your business and cover it with sawdust. Repeat. Empty once or twice a week into a 55-gallon composter out back.
3. After each waste dump, add leaf litter, coconut husks, or finely shredded newspaper over the waste into the container. “You’re basically making crap lasagna,” says Knutzen.
4. Keep it as moist as a wrung-out mop. You want it to get hot—120 degrees Fahrenheit is ideal, monitored with a long thermometer. Adding earth worms are good, too.
5. Let it age for a year. Fertilize plants.

I'm thinking this isn't going to catch on too quickly.

This would freak me out....

What would you do if this happened to you?

A government program that works!!!!!

They had to shut down the cash for clunkers stimulus program because it actually worked and they ran out of money. I wonder if the billions we pumped into the car industry will now get paid back because they were able to sell so many cars. Probably not.

I guess the beer party went OK at the Whitehouse except for the brief exchange at the beginning when the cop wanted to see Obama's license to prove that he lived there.

Moving of my girlfriend is almost done, I've never had to move so much crap. How can one person acquire so much and never think about getting rid of some of it at sometime. Everything I own is displayed in my house or is in a 6' x 10' space in the basement, and it ain't much, hell my brother more than doubled my wall art when he moved in . Can you say rampant consumerism, I just figured out that she is what's wrong with America, crap.

Vegas awaits.........

Don't give your lady a strap on....

This is why you don't give a women a large penis shaped object. The first thing she does is try to stick it in your backdoor.

Trippin' in Florida

I hate the heat and humidity of Florida. I left there 16 years ago to the more suitable climate of Colorado. But, I was summoned back to attend the wedding of friend who use to live in Colorado but decided to move to Florida(what was she thinking?) So I went to Florida at the beginning of July. Did I mention I hate the heat and humidity of Florida?

The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a Jew in Nazi Germany.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as Nelson Mandela during Apartheid.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a Shiite under Saddam Hussein rule.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as a negro during slavery.
The heat and humidity of Florida is so oppressive, I felt as oppressed as the Dali Lama under Chinese rule.

The trip starts off with a visit to DIA for a plane ride to Orlando. My Bi-Pap machine for my sleep apnea sets off the bomb alarm when they swabbed it, I have no idea what was on the machine since I keep my C4 in the basement not in my bedroom. We board the plane and after sitting for a half an hour we are finally informed that the problem with take off is that a brake temp sensor on one of the wheels has failed and the FAA requires them to wait two hours before we can takeoff to make sure the brakes have cooled sufficiently. I really think they were looking into my background to make sure I wasn't a terrorist. We can't disembark because we are already in the plane and they need the gate for another arriving plane. So begins the journey.

Everyday had an odd incident:
Friday: Bomb detector set off, wheel brake heat sensor failed

Saturday: Friend never makes it to fireworks show that he suggested we go to, turns out he was drunk at a beach bar. Parking which he said would be plentiful was not.

Sunday: Everything we do takes an extra hour and our lunch companion eats before we meet him for lunch(WTF). We go to the Seminole Casino in Tampa and my girlfriend gets a voucher from the nickel slots for 3 cents, its a nickel slot how can it pay out three cents. I win $660 at blackjack so my day was pretty good.

Monday: Closing up parents condo and can't get a hold of Dad because he is out on a pontoon boat in Lake Michigan, electric panel is mismarked, thermostat in the hotel in Orlando is wired wrong so when you turn the temp up the make the room warmer it makes it colder, the Catfish Place, our choice for dinner is closed on Sunday and Monday.

Tuesday: After a late start we get taken on a trip across Orlando in the middle of rush hour after the bride misses her normal turn which takes like four hours to see the bride's college.

Wednesday: The bride shows up an hour and half late for her own wedding. Went to Daytona Beach after the wedding and my girlfriend tried to pee at Wendy's but both stalls were full and there was a bad stench and then she heard one of the ladies saying she was peeing all over the seat and her bathing suit, she left without peeing. The wedding gift card was left at the hotel when my girlfriend picked up the wrong bag when we left for the reception that evening.

Thursday: Only after we arrived at the airport late did I realize that the hotel clock was a half hour slow. I was flagged at check in as a terrorist, maybe it was the bomb swab at DIA, which slowed our already lateness and we made it to the plane just as they were calling for our section to board. As we prepare to sit down the guy across the aisle starts swinging at me and uttering something guttural sounding. I told him it wasn't time for my daily beating yet but if I got out of line he should take care of me. The guy thanked me for having a sense of humor about his condition which I think might be close to palsy with a touch of Turrets syndrome. Later when the beverage cart came down he ordered coffee and I'm thinking to myself this isn't going to end well. The guy behind my girlfriend was a large man and he proceeded to rest over the top of my girlfriend's seat for most of the flight. The seat in front of my girlfriend decided to fall apart mid flight and cut her foot.

This was a messed up trip. Next trip will be to Vegas with my brother, hopefully that goes better.

Farewell Farrah...

Being a teen in the early 80's and just discovering the joys of masturbation, she was one of the women I often thought of during such discovery's.

Children around the world are once again safe....

Michael Jackson will no longer be able to entice youngster with "Jesus Juice" but he may have to answer to Jesus himself.

Honesty, maybe not the best policy....

Iranian Elections....

Read in the Denver post today....yes I am one of the few that still read a newspaper daily.

"The Guardian Council agreed last week to investigate some opposition complaints. Council spokesman Abbas Ali Kadkhodaei was quoted on the state TV website Monday as saying that its probe showed more votes were cast in the 50 districts than there were registered voters. But that "has no effect on the result of the elections" he said."

Whatever he's smoking, I'd like to get me a little.....

It floats...

Took the boat out for a spin on Chatfield Lake yesterday evening. I purchased a friend of TripLikeIDo's share of the boat so now it is co-owned by myself and TripLikeIDo. It ran well for the hour or so we were on the water. We were suppose to be out a little longer but TripLikeIDo was delayed in Bailey at the big Hot Dog and then he didn't pull the drain plug, so when we got to inspection and opened up the drain plug a ton of water came out of the bilge(TripLikeIDo claims it was rain water(which we have had a lot of lately)). It use to be dry stacked in Austin so they never pulled the plug out. We then had to follow the park ranger to the decontamination area to have the boat thoroughly douched with hot water to kill any zebra mussels which everyone is concerned about out here as they really screw stuff up. Not sure how much time I'll have for boating this summer as I continue to work on the wall in the backyard and I still have my other boat's interior to redo.

It's not even covered...

$300,000 paid for a parking space . I bought my house for slightly less than that at the top of the market in Denver and I've got a three car garage. Of course my house is worth substantially less now. The property tax assessment dropped almost $40,000 from the last assessment which was just under what I bought it for three years ago.

The tribe has spoken....

I fired the accounting clerk on Friday and while I was outside smoking a cigarette contemplating how to fire her I came up with the idea to fire her "Survivor" style. I was going to have her come into the conference room and pull pieces of paper with her name on it out of an ice bucket we have and tell her the tribe has spoken bring me your torch. I thought it was a pretty funny way to fire someone. I ended up starting the firing by tell her that it wasn't her week(she had gotten a speeding ticket on Wednesday trying to get back to work after dealing with her daughter)and that I was terminating her employment. She took it pretty well and wanted to know why i was firing her(I had a list of ten things already to go for her). When you just don't care about someone, firing them isn't too hard.

Not a twitterer....

Found this funny article on the web about one and done twitters. I love the following from the article discribing one and done tweets that might have ended badly:

Phillyrules: it hurts to breathe. should I go to the hospital?
10:09 PM Aug 23rd, 2008

muthuboss: life is hopeless ......
10:26 PM Jul 6th, 2008

rvictor: Trying to escape this insanity
7:24 PM Jan 7th

especially this one:
jeffreyshardy: Sitting next to a big, hairy, smelly guy on the bus
5:04 PM Feb 11th

DouglasAllen: I am writing an email to the makers of Spray N Wash to thank them for making a product that got the blood stains out of my new PJs and robe.
7:40 PM Aug 27th, 2007

Packed like cord wood....

I read about this in the newspaper today and was suprised it was an SUV and not a VW Bug like they use in the circus.

Not to PC...

While helping a friend get ready for her move the door bell rings. We were in the garage and figured it was the neighborhood children wanting to play with her dog. We let the dog out the garage door to go meet the children but we heard barking instead. I went outside and around the corner to the front door to discover a scared african american teenager at the front door looking to sell something door to door. After assuring him that the dog was all bark and no bite he left. I proceeded to go back to the garage while trying to control my laughter that we had just sicked the dog on a african american which is so not right. We had a good laugh as it was so not PC but we didn't know that it wasn't the neighborhood children. Am I a bad person for thinking this was funny?

A little to close....

A tornado touched down about a mile north of my home Sunday at Buckley Airforce Base and then bounced over my subdivision and touched down about a mile southeast of my home in the Southlands Mall area. We got about an inch of gravel sized hail which took off some of the new buds on the evergreens and some leaves on the trees but left no dents in the cars. The mall got nailed hard by the tornado and lime size hail, as did the Lowe's in the area and some condo's nearby. No one was seriously hurt except for the idiot who decided to record the tornado and got swept off his balcony and was thrown into his neighbors yard. I was not home at the time but was on my way home and actually saw the tornado but at that time it looked like it was well south of my home, little did I know how close it came at that time. Springtime in the Rockies can be interesting.

He was just giving him a hand down....

I've been upset in traffic on I-25 but I don't think I would do this to another human being but I suppose after waitng in traffic for 5 hrs I just might. Thanks to DrowseyMonkey

Morons to the left of me, Morons to the right...

Here I am stuck in the middle of a SOX audit.

I work for a company that falls under Sarbanes Oxley and our audit is coming up and as the controller I have to get all our ducks in a row. The estimators have completely screwed up the bid log and 3 of the 5 items the auditor wants to see don't match up mathematically. The bid log has one number ,the bid sheet has another. How f'ing difficult is it to put the right numbers down. My accounting clerk is in charge of sending out the SOX reports for the PM's to sign and the one PM that I warned her about has once again dropped the ball. I can't stand this, its a good thing she's getting fired next Friday, I can't do this again with her. Her package she gave me was missing items and out of order. How difficult is it to follow a list and put them in the order on the list and let me know what's missing, does she think I'm not going to check everything before I hand it off. Just had to get that off my chest, I feel better now.

For the love of....answer the question!!!!!

Actual Email Exchange between myself (ME) and the Payroll Manager (PR MGR) concerning a W-4 I submitted for our Chief Estimator(CE):


ME: Attached is CE's W-4.

PR MGR: He is claiming 25 and our limit in our system is 10. If I put in 25 then it will default to 0 exemptions.

ME: How did his paycheck go through for PR weekending 05/10/2009?(I had sent in the W-4 prior to the last payroll with the 25 exemptions on it) It took out the right amount of taxes. Does 10 exemptions create no tax liability and then only the amount in Line 6 will be taken out for taxes?

PR MGR: He wanted a set amount deducted so we put that into the system to deduct.

ME: So is his W-4 OK then with 25 or do we need to do one with 10 on it? CE wants to keep the taxes the same as the last paycheck for the rest of the year. If by putting 10 exemptions on the W-4 accomplishes that then we’ll do it but if it withholds more in fed and state taxes then we have a problem changing his W-4.

PR MGR: It is currently set up to ignore the tax tables and take the dollar amount that he indicated for state and federal taxes.

Do you see a pattern here? anyone anyone...
She would not answer my questions so I gave up and I'm not sending another W-4 for the CE until she answers my questions. This lady is not smart by any stretch of the word.

From here:

Chrysler Crossfire (2004–08)

2007 Chrysler Crossfire
What do you get when you combine a bunch of rehashed, last-generation Mercedes-Benz chassis components with overwrought styling and a bit of D-town pride? This bright-eyed hunk of weirdness, that’s what.

The Crossfire fell victim to that most heinous of sporty-car sins: It did nothing uniquely. Its chassis was borrowed from the 1997-to-2004 Mercedes-Benz SLK, and like the SLK, the Crossfire was a decent, if not brilliant, sporting GT. Potential buyers were put off by the art-deco looks and the $35,000-plus buy-in, and many simply bought an SLK instead. Or an Infiniti G35 or a BMW 3-Series, both of which were more fun to drive than the Crossfire, and neither of which looked like a dog in the middle of a life-altering dump. (Incidentally, whose bright idea was it to name a car after multidirectional gunfire, anyway? In what world do you want a car whose name implies that it might go off in any direction at any moment, killing innocent bystanders?)

How’s this for flop: In the second year of Crossfire production, Chrysler actually resorted to dumping excess inventory on Overstock.com. Flop, flop, flopperoo.

Beautiful Writing

Who says sushi isn't for breakfast....

That's eggs, bacon and hashbrowns in a sushi roll. Thanks to

ya think...

Those crazy European union bosses. Love the last sentence.

Why I can't find a date....

Motivational Poster

more swine flu....

5/7/9

Happy odd day!!! 05/07/2009 5/7/9. It only happens 6 times in the beginning of the century 01/03/2005 1/3/5, 03/05/2007 3/5/7, 05/07/2009 5/7/9, 07/09/2011 7/9/11, 09/11/2013 9/11/13, 11/13/2015 11/13/15.

Tired of the same old same old....

Try some of these delectable treats

Past on by a Republican co-worker....

IT WAS ONCE SAID THAT A BLACK MAN WOULD BE PRESIDENT "WHEN PIGS FLY"…INDEED 100 DAYS INTO OBAMA'S PRESIDENCY….SWINE FLU

Patient Zero Swine Flu Pandemic

Stolen fron Welcome to JTC Inc

"You know, we may have overpriced tickets"

Yankees and Mets are classic! Attendance this season is about average for those MLB clubs (avg over 30K/game), but you would never know it watching them on TV. The lower deck seats close to the field are half empty. Seats in those sections go for $500-2500. Maybe someone needs to inform management of the current economic conditions.
If MLB wanted to curb its slide into oblivion, maybe those big market teams should consider cardboard cutout fans or maybe seat filler people like they use on the Oscars....

Piglet Reaper (aka Swine Flu Death)

Swine Flu Masks

OK, who will be the first to sell these masks with a pig snout image printed on them?
On the subject.....We had our first Swine Flu death this morning. That's unfortunate, but we have over 36,000 flu related deaths every year anyway. What am I missing? Is the news cycle that slow right now? Hey media, how about a little perspective.....

TARP Fund Lobbiests

Just a few months after TARP funds were distributed and already over $10 million of those funds have been spent on lobbyists to represent the banks and auto manufactures who received the money. Take a wild guess at what they are lobbying for.....you got it, more TARP funds and no wage/bonus restrictions.
Here is an idea......No lobbying until you repay the loaned money.
In case I was no clear on this point....Hey TARP recipient lobbyists, don't talk to my senators or congressman!!! They obviously don't have the stones to say no or understand the conflict of interest here.

The Texas Governor.....

Jokingly threatens secession last week at one of those moronic Tea Parties.
In an unrelated story the same day, Gov Perry requested federal assistance with the Swine Flu.

I'll stick with the soup kitchens...

I hope it never comes to this in my household, but then again I have been feeding a squirrel in the backyard.

Stop the insanity....

This recession has got so bad that the animals at the Bronx Zoo are getting pink slips.

Whoops....

A sterile guy in germany hires his neighbor to impregnate is wife. After 72 tries they make the neighbor go to the doctor only to find out he's sterile too and then the neighbors wife has to admit that the two children they had together aren't actually his. This stuff is just to funny.

Seven Six Two Millimeter, Full Bacon Jacket !!!

Go see more pictures at this is freaking ridiculous

Sgt Thomas "Gunny" Highway(Clint Eastwood) from the movie Heartbreak Ridge
"This is the Bacon AK-47 assault rifle, the preferred weapon of your enemy; and it makes a distinctive smell when fired at you, so remember it."

Teabagging.....

Great post over at Cynical Bastard

If you attended one of these rallies, congratulations......you're a tool!!

In the easter spirit....

Stolen from Deep in the Forest

RIP Marilyn Chambers

One of the early pioneers of pornography has passed.

Easter Bunny vs Jesus

On my way into work this morning on the radio they were having a call in to choose between either the Easter Bunny or Jesus and defend your decision. One of the callers picked Jesus because you can't beat Jesus, just look at the Southpark episode with Jesus battling Santa Claus. Another caller picked the Easter Bunny because no one has ever been killed in the name of the Easter Bunny. Pretty entertaining for the drive in. ***W A R N I N G*** Lots of foul language in the video.

Layoff Reality Show...

I'm not sure if I'd watch it but the premise is interesting. I think it would come down to who's least liked by their co-workers but when you throw in salary info into the equation it could come down to "he/she makes how much?!?!?! let'm go!!!" ,can you say class warfare.

Weird things happening at the competition...

Received a check from a competitor of ours for a piece of equipment they bought from us and the envelope had this stamp on it and the check had the smell of musky men's cologne. So I ask you are our competitors accountants flaming homo's or do they just have latent homosexual tendencies?

It doesn't look good....

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29976394/

Check out the progression of this recession/depression on this map of the US. Move the button under the years all the way to the left and press the play button to see progression from 1994 till 2009.

Fondue Dreaming...

Went to The Melting Pot for dinner on Friday to celebrate my friends 50th birthday. I'd never been there before but had heard it was really good. They weren't wrong, the food was excellent, the wait staff attentive, the ambiance just right. We had the "Big Night Out" special which consisted of a cheese fondue with bread, veggies and apples. A salad course, I wish I had gone with the included salad but I wasn't sure about the field greens so I opted for the house salad. The "included" salad had huge slabs of fresh mozzarella which my friend allowed me to sample, thusly my envy of her salad. The next course was the meat course with the boiling Mojo broth. We had shrimp, chicken, pork, sirloin steak, filet mignon and lobster. Also an assortment of veggies and raviolis. I thought they would bring out the meat cooked as the liability of presenting raw food to guests that don't know how to cook would be too much, but low and behold the meat was raw. We cooked our food to our liking and it had great flavors. The last course was the chocolate fondue course with our choice of the flaming turtle chocolate fondue. We had strawberries, bananas, cheesecake, brownies, marshmallows and lady fingers to dip in the indulgent desert fondue. Wow what a meal.

Strange story about how we came to be at the Melting Pot. I had purchased a $200 gift certificate for my AP Manager to thank her for her extra time she and her husband put in to get us caught up after the sale of our company. When she went to her dinner the card only had $100 left on it as someone in New Jersey had fat fingered the number of another card and took $100 off her card. I gave the AP Manager $100 in cash to compensate her and The Melting Pot sent me a $110 gift card to make up for the problem with the first card, so we used that card for the birthday dinner.

Jay Cutler's a child...

Jay Cutler, you work in a field where trades are common, if I was to get traded to our competition it would indeed be strange but in football its part of the game. You are such a child, throwing a temper tantrum when you didn't get your way, grow up! If you don't talk to your coach, owner, etc then they have to assume you have a problem and will deal with you as such. I hope you have learned from this experience, now grow up and deal with it!

It has a clean end??

Too Funny

“Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.”

Stolen from Blog d'Elisson

Salary Cap for Publicly Traded Companies....

On the morning radio show I listen to on the way into work, 106.7 KBPI, they had a discussion about a million dollar salary cap on executives with callers giving their opinions, so now I would like to voice mine.

First off by limiting the salaries of the higher ups it would not translate to increased wages for the lower rungs as I have heard some say but I think I have a novel approach below that would increase everyone's wages.

I think a million dollar salary cap would be a good thing on publicly traded companies employees including board members, executives, salespeople, secretaries, dock workers, janitors, etc. basically.....everyone. If you own your own business this would not pertain to you, you can make as much as you want, this is only for those companies that have stock traded on any of the major indices. The way I look at it is if you want to make more money as an executive or for that matter any employee of that company you would have to buy your companies stock to receive a dividend to increase your yearly income. The executives would also have more at stake in that they would have to be invested in the company they are running and if they screw up their net worth would dimish giving them incentive to do a good job and watch what their subordinates are doing. Anyone could buy the companies stock so everyone could enjoy a larger income by just purchasing shares of whatever company you thought would do well in the year or the coming years. It would force the executives to run their companies better to make a profit so that they could reap the benefit of the dividends and at the same time it would increase the incomes of everyone in the company as long as they purchased company stock. No more bonuses for just those at the top, bonuses for all when the dividends are announced.

And as far as these companies we've bailed out as the taxpayers we now own these companies and we the taxpayers should get the dividends if these companies ever become profitable again in the form of tax reductions on our 1040's divided up by how much in actual tax you pay. If you pay no taxes then no deduction, if you pay $8,000 in taxes you would get a smaller percentage than the taxpayer who pays $40,000 in taxes.

Well that's just my opinion, I could be wrong.....

I like pie......charts

Stolen from "A Perfectly Cromulent Blog" . Feel free to use it at your next board meeting.

Hudsucker Proxy....

Classic Movie Lines:

"You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you!"

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.....

Classic Movies Lines:

"We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get into locked a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon."

Foot of new powder....

After our blizzard of yesterday the equipment manager for my company was out in a backhoe clearing our parking lot and when he came in I asked him he'd considered an equipment operators position and his response was that it wasn't lucrative enough and that he'd hit too many things in the past.

Signs of the economy getting worse...

Saw a guy in cowboy hat, so I assume he's a rancher or a cowboy, on the freeway today in a Geo Metro, that's not good.

I read today about food auctions, where they auction off excess food that hasn't sold in grocery stores and food that is past its expiration date, that's not good.

More ladies are becoming strippers and adult film actors to pay the bills, that's not good(or is it?).

Dinner at Two Elk Lodge in Vail

Had a great day of powder boarding at Vail with my friend Kevin. So good.....that there was no time for lunch. Just a few snacks out of my friends back pack on the lifts.
At 4pm we were very hungry and starting our trek (2500 ft vertical) down to the front side of the mountain. We decided to stop off ultra fancy Two Elk Lodge at the top of the mountain.
This is the same $5-10 Million lodge that environmental terrorist wackos torched less than 5 yrs
They would not re-open the registers late in the afternoon and had no vending machines at the lodge. So, we made the best of our ultra luxury lodge and grabbed some free saltine crackers, butter and honey packets. Two hours earlier, guests were paying $30 for lunches and there we were scarfing down our makeshift free sandwiches.
So, that was my fine dining experience at Two Elk lodge in Vail.

AIU Holdings???? Why not IOU Holdings

AIG Insurance is changing its name due to the horrendous image it has. The new name is AIU Holdings but I think it would have been better named IOU Holdings.

Life's a big sh*t sandwich

and we all gotta take a bite.

Asked not to bring it into the office again....

I brought in my pasta primevera with questionable shrimp into the office for lunch today and was asked to not bring it back in again....ever, as the smell permeated the space. It hasn't made me puke or caused gravy on the other end but I'll respect my co-workers sensitive nasal passages.

The Flasher

Back from Vegas

At the beginning of the trip I was asking myself "What were you thinking?" The mother and daughter got into it the first night the mother arrived inside the Rivera Casino and I thought for sure someone was going to jail and I thought to myself "Where is the Clark County Jail and how much will bail be? I'll probably have to fly the offender back out for court, shit this is going to get expensive" They patched it up the next morning and the rest of the trip went well.

I tried to teach both of them the art of Blackjack. The daughter seemed to be absorbing all the information I was spouting and was seeming to grasp the card and my betting system. The mother on the other hand didn't seem to have the patience/inclination to learn the rules and betting system and she was more interested in small talk with the dealer and other players(UPDATE: The mother was taking it all in and liked the game and wants to go back and play some more). They both ended up taking home more than they brought which was good for them, bad for me.

You see I had to play with the unwashed masses, the blackjack players that don't have a clue how to play and play at the $5 tables. We ended up downtown for most of the trip as that is where the $5 tables are all day and all night. My luck with Blackjack has come on the $25 tables where its usually just me and the dealer or maybe one other player who knows when to take a hit, when to double down, when to split, etc. If it wasn't for two times that I ventured out without the ladies and hit the $25 tables and tripled my money each time the trip would have been an extremely bad loss for me. I consider Blackjack a business and I'm there to win money, not to make friends with the other players or the dealer.

Looking back on the trip though, I had a good time and I think the ladies enjoyed the shows and the good times we had on the tables even if they merely tolerated the others existence. Will I do it again? I'll have to get back to you on that. I'll definitely go back by myself, whether I bring along the others is another story, for another blog entry.

The other thing I lost while in Vegas was sleep, I think I averaged 5 hours a night and I still am feeling groggy each morning but its getting better, give it a week and I'll be back to normal.

How low was the bonus bar @ AIG

My understanding of bonuses through my lifetime of work has been that if you performed well and the company made money then the company would hand out bonuses to those individuals which caused the company to make money. In the case of AIG they would have been basically bankrupt if it wasn't for the infusion of government cheese they got. How can anyone in that company expect to or get a bonus? Is the bar set for bonuses being able to fog a mirror? make it to work each day? Whatever the bar was, it was set way to low if these executives got bonuses for bankrupting a company. They claim they were retention bonuses to keep the employees from jumping ship, I say let them jump ship, who's gonna hire them? Maybe they get some new blood in these companies that could turn them around.

I've also heard the bonuses were part of a contractual agreement and if that is the case it is not a bonus it is a salary and should have been stated as such.

Help Wanted: Republican Leadership

I became concerned after watching an Ari Fleischer (Bush press secretary) interview the other day. It was very creepy as he reminisced about the Bush legacy. Instead of focusing on 1 or 2 positives from the 8 years, he reminded us of the thousands executed on 9-11 during the first term.
And then watching Limbaugh do a rain dance for our countries economic failure. OK, Rush is a great entertainer and is very well compensated for that, but he is only in it for the ratings. I guarantee he does not even believe most of what he pitches.
Where is the new leadership?!?!? Our country badly needs the two party system (ideally more than that). Unfortunately, the GOP is now supported by old family money, rednecks and bible thumpers. And that base is not going to return the balance.
We need a return of small government instead of the mammoth government of the last 8 years.
Someone needs to step up and soon!

$40 Three Line Classified Ads

Remember those days of over priced newspaper print ads.....
When half of your business model involves ripping off the little guy, I celebrate your demise.
And I dance on the grave of every bankrupt newspaper.
I seriously feel bad for their out of work employees, but they have only their CEOs to blame for not evolving.
A big thank you to Ebay and CraigsList for this economic karma.

Off to America's Playground

Well I'm off to Lost Wages to try my luck at the old Black Jack tables and to celebrate a friends 50th Birthday with her and her daughter. We'll be seeing Danny Gans and Ka by Cirque du Soleil while we're there, also a trip by the Hoover Dam and to see the new bridge going in over the Colorado River.

We're staying at my timeshare condo which is about 2 miles west of the strip on Tropicana. First time staying at this timeshare as I usually have stayed at the one about 5 miles south of the strip right on Las Vegas Blvd.

First time driving the new Cobalt there, hope the roads clear up over the Eishenhower Tunnel and Vail Pass, don't want to repeat the triple loop spin I did a year or so ago on top of Vail Pass, I got lucky and didn't hit anything and the only damage was a brown stain on the truck seat(just kidding but my butt cheeks did pucker up quite a bit).

And as they say when they hand you your chips, "Good Luck Player"

And its kosher to boot....

I've found what I'm giving out for christmas this year.

Bad A$$

Mountain lion attacked a couple and their dogs and the donkey saved them all by battling the mountain lion and killing it.

Practical Self Defense

Self defense is very important and this link will teach you everything you need to know.

Player traded for 10 Bats dies

I think the trade for bats put this guy in a real bad place as he saw what he was worth in baseball and it was too much for him, I feel bad but why not try something different than offing yourself.

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9287578/Mates-recall-dead-minor-leaguer-traded-for-bats?MSNHPHCP&GT1=39002

Kinda cool take a peek

http://www.stumbleupon.com/toolbar/#topic=Science/Tech&url=http%253A%252F%252Fdvice.com%252Farchives%252F2008%252F10%252Fworlds_first_wa.php

Marxism

Bring it on!
Greenspan and I are of the same mind on this one.
We need nationalized banks. We are already half way there. Whats a few more billion?
Seriously, how hard is it to run a bank?!?!? Some customers invest, while others take loans. Its not rocket science! How did so many of them go bankrupt? Replace all the CEOs and upper management with new high school grads. I guarantee better results than where the country is at now.
Oh well, I hope those bank CEOs are OK with a civil servants pay check.

The President came to our fair town yesterday landing at Buckley Airforce Base, Thanks triplikeido for taking time out of your busy day to snap a few photos(why didn't you post them)

Gotta love those Muslims

Did you hear about the Muslim owners of a television station in New York called "Bridges TV"? It was a station trying to portray Muslim's in a more positive light.

And then what happens?

The owner beheaded his wife in the television station because she wanted a divorce, so much for trying to change that negative image.

http://www.buffalonews.com/494/story/578644.html

Top Ten Good Things about the Recession

#10. Cheaper Housing
#9. Cheaper Gas
#8. Got a change of the guard in Washington to happen
#7. Water/Sewer work in the Stimulus Package(I work in the water and sewer business)
#6. The employees I manage are much nicer now because they don't want to get axed
#5. Vegas hotel rooms are cheaper
#4. On a related note the sex workers are running specials now in Nevada's brothels
#3. No wait at restaurants anymore
#2. Less traffic during my commute

and the number one Good Thing about the Recession

#1 I still have my job

It's a man's house

so return the seat to it's upright position.

Must be a government transport...

Outside grabbing a smoke and a 18 wheeler with a flatbed drives by on the freeway and the only thing on the flatbed is an office chair. I'm thinking that can't be too profitable of a haul.

Great Use of Technology

Check it out, almost makes me want to go out and buy and iphone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRLLsj8DdAw

of course I could just be blowing smoke up your arse, no reverse that.

OMG WTF!!

How does this lady wipe her arse??

First Post

Just seeing if this thing works

Saturday Afternoon Hoops

I played basketball with my kiddo for the first time today. I kicked his arse! Its good for him. Builds character :-)

Micro Blog

Lets try something new for 2009......Start blogging again! Only this time, shorter rants. Something just above a Twit or FaceBook "Toby is.....". Lets light this candle......