Dick of the Day....

.......Paul Gosar (R-Arizona)

http://theweek.com/speedreads/751974/gop-congressman-wants-police-arrest-dreamers-state-union

He wants the Capital Police to arrest DREAMers that have been invited by their Congressperson to the State of the Union.

Wow just wow.

New Presidential Portrait is hung at White House

Headaches

Thanks to Woodsterman

http://woodstermangotwood.blogspot.com/2018/01/headaches_17.html

Joe had suffered from bad headaches for the past 20 years and eventually decided to go and see a doctor about it.

The doctor said: “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and became depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. The surgery cost him $15,000. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought: ‘That’s what I need, a new suit.’ He entered the shop and asked the salesman to tailor a new suit.

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, “Let's see ... size 44 long.”

Joe laughed, “That's right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years,” the tailor replied.

Joe tried on the suit and it fitted perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”

Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let's see, 96cm chest and 42cm neck.”

Joe was surprised, “That's right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years,” he replied.

Joe tried the shirt and it fitted perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”

Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”

The salesman said, “Let's see... size 36.”

Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”

The salesman shook his head, “You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

There's Money in the Banana Stand

Family Guy Godfather

Go make yourself Family Guy style

http://www.familyguyyourself.com/

Can't spell Shithole without His Hotel.....

https://twitter.com/funder/status/952346553255186433

SHITHOLE projected on Trump Washington Hotel

Car flies into dentist office

Funny Tweets

That dentist office now has a cavity.

They were on drugs, how high were they?
A: About 14 feet

Hey buddy! the drive thru's downstairs

Was he late for an appointment

His in car navigation system was spot on if he was heading to the dentist office

Car technology: Protecting people making stupid decisions daily

Call the dentist, it's time for an extraction

Most people aren't in that much of a hurry to get to the dentist

Well people do go to the dentist when they have a messed up grille

That is going to be a difficult extraction

We have liftoff

Great News! Flying cars are here!

What Constitutes a Shithole Country in Trump's Mind?