Friday, August 28, 2009

Scenes from my life....

Seen while grocery shopping at King Soopers....
A pregant woman who had a large cucumber tucked between her ample breasts and cradling it like a baby. My thought at the time was that if she had the large cucumber several month earlier she would have alleviated herself of her present condition.

Seen at Einstein's Bagels...
a Nissan "CUBE", probably the ugliest car I've seen in a long time(to get the full ugliness click on the "Load 360" button under the car). My thought at the time was that there was probably nothing left on the lot at the end of the "Cash for Clunkers" program.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I have no children.....

....but I'm beginning to feel like a parent as I now have in my house 1 "kid" starting her second year of college and another "kid" who's living with me whose unemployed, and I'm footing most of the bills. Oh and I can't forget the other "kid" who isn't living with me but who I've given a car loan too.

At least I didn't have to wipe any of their asses.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Creative Resume Writing....

According to a commentor on this:

Someone actually put this on their resume:

10 years of Import, Distribution and Merchandising of recreational pharmaceuticals.
15 years with FCI as a machinist, cook, librarian and janitor.

and by the way....FCI=Federal correctional institution.

I guess you can make any job sound better, kinda like saying your a sanitation engineer when you drive a garbage truck.

I wonder if he got the job.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

How did he get past the terrorist watch list?

Convicted airplane bomber allowed to fly home. I got pulled aside in Orlando and they let this guy on a plane, what's wrong with this picture. They should have put him on a slow boat to Libya. And what's this compassionate release because he's dying, let him die in prison, what if the diagnosis is wrong and he lives another 20 years.

Is this wrong....



Would the dog rip it to shreds?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

#Text Posting Test#
This post was generated via a text msg.

Email Posting Test

This post was sent via an Email. If it works, blog posting will be
possible from a mobile device.
I'm testing this function as I may be guest blogging on a friend's
Blogspot acct this weekend in Leadville CO.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Notes on Vegas

Are Vegas roads ever going to be without construction? I know how to get around Vegas from countless trips to Sin City but this trip I was stymied by all the back roads around the Strip being torn up and down to one lane as well as the Strip itself being torn up especially around City Center and don't get me started on I-15, crikey!

Vegas in August is too damn HOT! On a previous trip around July 4th several years ago I told myself I should never visit during the summer again, well I was right. The last summer trip my truck broke down in the turn lane from eastbound Tropicana Blvd to southbound Las Vegas Blvd, bad place to breakdown as it's a very busy intersection, luckily the Cobalt had no such issues, of course it's 14 years newer and has 200,000 less miles on the clock.

Lazy Rivers are very enjoyable. My timeshare condo on the southern end of Las Vegas Blvd has a lazy river that my brother and I enjoyed, my brother maybe a little too much as he pulled every unused tube into the lazy river and claimed that they were his invisible friends. I pointed out his nemesis in another guest that was removing the tubes as they floated around. Only later did my brother realize he had actually helped the lifeguards as they just scooped up the tubes from the river instead of having to walk around and pick them up at the end of the day.

My brother can't party like he use too. Poor bastard missed the Vegas nighttime scene when the freaks really come out.

Wasn't a good trip for the wallet this time. The gambling this trip left a lot to be desired as I lost money and ran into some really messed up individuals. One guy who had his own problems being in a family of Trekkie's but not actually being a Trekkie fan and also being from Canada didn't like me hitting on 12 on the dealer up card of 2 or 3, and then complaining about a player leaving in the middle of a shoe, then telling another new player to not sit down until the end of the shoe to which I replied, "What is this your private table?" and then to another guy who tells me that the card I use which is the universally accepted way to play Blackjack is wrong. I got plenty of opportunities to double down and split which is when you can make back your bankroll but I couldn't get the cards I needed. I have also never seem so many dealers hit 21 when the first two cards should be sure bust cards for them. Like for instance I get dealt two face cards and the dealer has an up card of 6 and I'm thinking this looks promising and then the dealer's down card is a face card and I'm at that point thinking I've won and then a 5 comes out of the shoe, dammit! Well I can't always have winning vacations.

Silver Hairs, Silver Hairs(sung to Silver Bells)......

I've always liked Jay Leno's monologues on the "Tonite Show" and while in Vegas I went to see his stand-up act. From the opening act of an a cappella quartet of doo-wop singers I knew I wasn't the target audience. I thought there would be more current event jokes but in talking with my brother after the show, Jay Leno probably doesn't have the breadth of writers, if any, he had at the "Tonite Show". He did have a few current event jokes and a part where he asked the audience their professions and made jokes about them on the fly including one particularly funny one about a financial advisor and and unemployed friend in the audience, but then he started into what seemed very dated material. It was an entertaining show but I'm glad I got tickets for 25% off the retail price.

Top Shelf Liquor Only Please......

While in Vegas recently I visited a liquor store and as my brother checked out I looked at the pictures of the people they had caught stealing and was kinda shocked that quite a few weren't for shoplifting but for peeing in the store. On future trips I'll only be buying top shelf liquor, geospatially speaking, from this establishment.

Reader's Digest of Bankruptcy

This economy is rough on even Reader's Digest as they can only get a condensed version of bankruptcy.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Vick's New Team: A Good Fit With Eagle Fans

One downside of signing Vick to a new NFL team is the animal rights protesters.
That's why I think Philadelphia is a good fit as he is granted a new leash on life. Not because they hate pets, but because PETA members don't stand a chance against the Philly fan base. These fans boo Santa Clause, The National Anthem and also cheer for unconscious opposition players.
Not only will Eagle fans not tolerate PETA protesters, they will probably barbeque and eat them.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Great News on the New Health Care Plan!

The president does NOT want to kill my two grandmothers. I just heard his most recent town hall speech. Anyway, I was very concerned after all the rumors of Death Panels.
So, I can't wait to tell them!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Water saving idea that goes to far?

aka Crap Lasagna

Check out this idea to compost your own waste......ewwwwwwwww. Actual instruction from this.

Get Started
1. Get a five-gallon bucket and line the bottom with sawdust. Attach a lidded toilet seat.
2. Do your business and cover it with sawdust. Repeat. Empty once or twice a week into a 55-gallon composter out back.
3. After each waste dump, add leaf litter, coconut husks, or finely shredded newspaper over the waste into the container. “You’re basically making crap lasagna,” says Knutzen.
4. Keep it as moist as a wrung-out mop. You want it to get hot—120 degrees Fahrenheit is ideal, monitored with a long thermometer. Adding earth worms are good, too.
5. Let it age for a year. Fertilize plants.


I'm thinking this isn't going to catch on too quickly.

This would freak me out....

What would you do if this happened to you?