“Just mistook a mini tabasco bottle for mini eye drops bottle. Note to self: setup eye examine appointment after burning stops”
"Countries in general get the government they deserve. You want to know why things are so screwed up, look in the mirror(except for you and me, and I’m not so sure about you)”
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it back in your wallet”
A mother speaking about the look on her baby’s face. ”He’s either deep in thought or he’s taking a shit”
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